tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post14014673479444147..comments2024-03-28T18:12:44.319-04:00Comments on Sparrow Tree Journal: Off my chestJenniferhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-59835691977330014682020-10-22T09:12:27.463-04:002020-10-22T09:12:27.463-04:00I read today’s post and when you spoke about troub...I read today’s post and when you spoke about trouble with your parents, I looked to see if I had missed a previous one. Oh my, dear Jennifer, my heart breaks for you. I won’t get into your parents toxic relationship and the horrors you witnessed as a child, but I’d rather talk about you and the beautiful person you are. Through Blogger, I see your giving heart and the love you have for the children at the school, your devotion to your husband Greg, and your tenderness for animals. You are a lovely person and a very strong woman. I have always thought that one becomes who they are because of, or in spite of their past. You certainly are the latter. You have overcome so much and will continue to do so because of who you are. I admire you very much for your courage to write this and bear your soul. As you see, you are not alone.<br /><br />I don’t know if you have ever tried therapy, but with the right person, you might find some peace from that undeserved guilt. I found it helpful during a very difficult time in my life. Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06032033918798053005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-31466915386938207632020-10-19T17:58:58.589-04:002020-10-19T17:58:58.589-04:00And please don't take this as a suggestion aga...And please don't take this as a suggestion against estrangement. Not at all. I stayed away from my family for most of a 10 year period. My mom has been gone for 9 years now. My only family is one sister. I haven't seen my brother and other sister since my mother passed. You do what you've got to do for your own sanity.Debbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09531125606268748793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-56411585299967849022020-10-19T17:56:03.803-04:002020-10-19T17:56:03.803-04:00I am so sorry. My mother really was not happy with...I am so sorry. My mother really was not happy with me for a number of years (the closest thing I ever got to a reason was: 'YOU LEFT!' She was dying of liver failure and her ammonia levels were all over the place. What started out as dislike turned into an insane hatred. She said terrible things and treated me badly. It was a hard time for sure. I was (and am) grateful for my sister. My mother wanted to die at home, and we were all able to give that to her. It's done now. I'm sorry that your father is like this, but remember that it is not you. It is him. I have no other words of comfort for you, but I am so awfully sorry. Nobody deserves that kind of shit.Debbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09531125606268748793noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-35366509516775794152020-10-14T14:25:33.186-04:002020-10-14T14:25:33.186-04:00I'm sorry to hear you have had to endure this ...I'm sorry to hear you have had to endure this sort of treatment, mental health problems can poison family relationships but you have nothing to blame yourself about. A week ago I received a phone call to tell me that my much loved father had died and that my mother and brother had not rung to let me know this might happen soon and give me chance to say good-bye to him. Despite my attempts at reconciliation my mother had continued to put the phone down on me anytime I called, until I stopped trying for 7 months and my Dad died without my knowledge. Now she is happy for me to call to try and support her in her bereavement although she will never inquire as to how I am, nor my husband or her 6 grown up grandchildren and is heaping blame and guilt upon me in shedloads. My anxiety goes through the roof every day when I have to make these calls. I'm not sure why I'm punishing myself like this but it is hard to completely walk away. Thank you for your honest and candid blog post, it helps to know that others are going through similar things and I hope you feel better very soon. It is important to prioritise one's own mental health at times. Stay strong. best wishes Blods xxBlodshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11795842043071345130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-27302082058243451202020-10-14T12:25:10.481-04:002020-10-14T12:25:10.481-04:00Yes, I second Gregg's advice! Good thinking!Yes, I second Gregg's advice! Good thinking!Steve Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11684120060438252945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-13270077726538647662020-10-14T08:25:53.204-04:002020-10-14T08:25:53.204-04:00"Even sharing all this here on the blog makes..."Even sharing all this here on the blog makes me feel guilty and disloyal, like I've made my family seem more monstrous than they are." - NO GUILT! they ARE monsters! PERIOD! do NOT allow the monsters to reside in your head!anne marie in phillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11765140782182605141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-24155508569705330302020-10-13T17:10:43.686-04:002020-10-13T17:10:43.686-04:00Thank you for stopping by and reading and taking t...Thank you for stopping by and reading and taking the time to comment, Nick! Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-87806955918125700642020-10-13T17:10:26.197-04:002020-10-13T17:10:26.197-04:00I plan to do exactly what you said here...let the ...I plan to do exactly what you said here...let the whole thing settle down and see how I feel later. Gregg keeps telling me to let this awful election season get over with before I have any further contact with them, too, and I think that's a good idea. Thanks Steve!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-38510028166756035302020-10-13T17:09:00.569-04:002020-10-13T17:09:00.569-04:00I'm stunned, to be honest, but so happy and gr...I'm stunned, to be honest, but so happy and grateful! Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-55407216223789508762020-10-13T17:08:42.343-04:002020-10-13T17:08:42.343-04:00Thank you my friend! I feel bad that I haven't...Thank you my friend! I feel bad that I haven't been in touch very much lately...the last few months have just been a blur. Your friendship is dear to me, and I hope you know that. Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-60770838132388717052020-10-13T17:07:49.283-04:002020-10-13T17:07:49.283-04:00My dad is almost certainly over medicated, and I s...My dad is almost certainly over medicated, and I suspect my mom might be abusing Xanax. Rush Limbaugh and Fox News has done so much damage to our country. It's a shame. Thank you for understanding and for taking the time to comment here!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-11457080633344365562020-10-13T17:06:37.925-04:002020-10-13T17:06:37.925-04:00Don't feel guilty about your good childhood! J...Don't feel guilty about your good childhood! Just appreciate it all the more. I sometimes feel guilty complaining when so many people have it worse than me, which is silly. We all have our crosses to bear in life. <br /><br />Thank you for your constant support, my friend. Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-53239677221412914022020-10-13T17:05:07.134-04:002020-10-13T17:05:07.134-04:00I've considered starting a journal to get some...I've considered starting a journal to get some of this stuff out and having some major points ready in case I want to send my mother a letter at some point. Thank you Kat.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-28298249936253770872020-10-13T16:46:10.455-04:002020-10-13T16:46:10.455-04:00Given the way your parents have treated you, yes, ...Given the way your parents have treated you, yes, just walk away. You owe them nothing. You may feel guilt but you've nothing to feel guilty about.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-3060990309990143892020-10-13T11:53:06.636-04:002020-10-13T11:53:06.636-04:00I'm sorry that I'm coming to this post so ...I'm sorry that I'm coming to this post so late. It sounds to me like some of your dad's behavior could definitely be related to medication, but I'm not sure your mom has the same excuse, and both of them have treated you abominably. I'd let the whole thing settle down and then see how you feel, but you'd certainly be justified in cutting them off. When I first started reading I thought this was going to be primarily a difference in politics, but I see it runs much deeper, and I can't imagine parents talking like that to their child. Maybe they're even jealous of your calm and orderly life. You are entitled to take care of yourself and enjoy your adulthood and your relationship with your husband without having to suffer flack from them.Steve Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11684120060438252945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-18423317241643339302020-10-13T08:13:45.884-04:002020-10-13T08:13:45.884-04:00Jennifer, dear friend,
like YP, I would give a lot...Jennifer, dear friend,<br />like YP, I would give a lot to just be able to give you a big hug and cry together - me not crying because of my own situation, but out of compassion for you. I almost feel guilty now for having had a childhood and youth filled with so much love, but like others here have said, we can not choose the family we are born into - we can only (to an extent) choose the person we become.<br />You certainly had a lot to deal with in the past; all the more I admire you for having succeeded in creating this life for yourself and your own family. That you have tried all those years to keep up a relationship with your parents, making efforts to improve it, speaks for you - the fact that they have started on a one-way track away from you, casting aside every positive thing about their only (?) daughter, says a lot about them.<br /><br />Thank you for being so open with us.Librarianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05704656564078750607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-32473958420611995302020-10-13T08:05:11.620-04:002020-10-13T08:05:11.620-04:00I feel really bad for you. If I was in your positi...I feel really bad for you. If I was in your position I would write down everything you wrote down in this post, and maybe anything else that you would need to add, and send it to your mother. And then let bygones be bygones, knowing you did the best you could with what you had to work with. At the end of the day it's your piece of mind that matters. Huge hugs.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02386460019508921993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-56614134932121616682020-10-12T22:08:49.664-04:002020-10-12T22:08:49.664-04:00Please read my postPlease read my postRajani Rehanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17439571117569471650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-9596037404558264672020-10-12T22:08:34.504-04:002020-10-12T22:08:34.504-04:00Fabulous blogFabulous blogRajani Rehanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17439571117569471650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-86463766645374686862020-10-12T21:58:12.009-04:002020-10-12T21:58:12.009-04:00Jennifer, you are precious to and loved by so many...Jennifer, you are precious to and loved by so many people. Look at all the comments here. Certain family members have called me a jealous little shit who lies to get attention. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. During the later years of my marriage, X would go down to the basement every night to watch fox news. Then he'd be full of ugliness. I banned it, but it didn't stop him from listening to Rush Limbaugh and other talk radio garbage all day long. That crap is not healthy. It also sounds as if your dad, and maybe your mom, are over-medicated. I blocked the worst of my family and X on Facebook and on my phone. I recommend it highly. The only thing you can do is leave those people behind. They don't want help. They don't want to get better. They only want to make you miserable.<br /><br />Love,<br />Janie Janie Junebughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10573607241326291404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-27055189873631183382020-10-12T17:52:20.319-04:002020-10-12T17:52:20.319-04:00You have a lot of support
What does THAT say xYou have a lot of support <br />What does THAT say xJohn Going Gentlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14958171262765033946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-14005791990053184002020-10-12T17:24:53.170-04:002020-10-12T17:24:53.170-04:00Oh Jennifer, your instinct is to protect yourself ...Oh Jennifer, your instinct is to protect yourself and I am glad you are doing that. You are a sweetie, that is why I treasure our friendship, long distance though it is. Your heart is kind and full of love for your family of Gregg, George of the big smile, and Marco plus your friends. I mailed a letter to you today before I read this post, so it is rather a dated note. Hugs to you.Terra https://www.blogger.com/profile/04396481049075747940noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-16324633863666532762020-10-12T11:37:54.095-04:002020-10-12T11:37:54.095-04:00This was a wise and well thought out comment, Neil...This was a wise and well thought out comment, Neil. Thank you so much for giving me a new angle to think about. I would also gratefully accept your hug and your shoulder to cry on! I wish so many of my good blog friends like you didn't live so far away. Your support means a lot to me. xxJenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-72846148156933304402020-10-12T11:34:58.433-04:002020-10-12T11:34:58.433-04:00Thank you for your good wishes!Thank you for your good wishes!Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3830720322970025712.post-78432190969094884902020-10-12T11:34:36.364-04:002020-10-12T11:34:36.364-04:00I have the same worries about burning bridges to b...I have the same worries about burning bridges to be honest. Again, I struggle with guilt. I'm really tired of the burden of it all, too.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12512800812290518552noreply@blogger.com