Happy Mother's Day to my readers here in the US who celebrate it! I hope you do something nice for yourselves today.
I sent my mom an inexpensive flower arrangement to mark the occasion, since I won't be seeing her. I probably wouldn't have seen her anyway, even without Covid-19, to be honest. I have a much older cousin whose children and (now) grandchildren my mom has gotten increasingly close to over the last several years. My cousin's daughter has three little children ranging in age from 5 years to 5 months old, and my parents have decided to consider them their grandchildren rather than great nieces and nephews. (I'm an only child who didn't give them actual grandchildren, much to their disappointment). Because of this, they usually spend Mother's Day and major holidays with these cousins and their families. A middle aged daughter and son-in-law aren't nearly as much fun as little kids they can play with and spoil! I understand that.
I go to work for 4 hours tomorrow, to answer phones. I hate only working a small token amount each week. I realized the other day that part of my low mood is coming from feeling mostly useless these days. Earned time off in a regular year, even when it's the whole summer, doesn't trigger any guilt in me, but I don't feel right about having this much. I haven't really worked since March, and I won't again until at least the end of July. (I say "at least" because I realized the other day that I haven't actually signed my work contract for next year yet. What I signed was a "letter of intent" back in January that just states I plan to come back the following year if my work agreement is renewed. The actual work agreements don't come through until May 18th, and as I stated in my last post, I have this nagging worry that the pandemic might end up making my job go away. So there's something else to keep me up at night). I'm beginning to understand why retired people feel a loss of a sense of purpose when they no longer go to work. I feel like I'm not contributing anything to the world right now. And I haven't used this time off to better myself in any way, either. I haven't started exercising more or working on my Spanish or picking up my long neglected knitting projects. Despite a few household projects that I've helped Gregg get done, and some yard work, I've mostly been.....sitting around. On my bad days I tell myself that it's sheer laziness and I feel bad about myself. If I could somehow reclaim some sense of purpose it would help, I think, but it's hard to find ways to do that when we're still stuck in lockdown mode.
How do you retain a sense of purpose these days? Are you making good use of this time, or, like me....not so much?