It's been a busy few weeks around here, but I still find it hard to believe that June is almost half over. Finding time to blog has been a challenge so I've been away for longer that I meant to be. Things should settle down a little now, so I hope to be around more.
Last weekend my mom came to visit. It was at her insistence, and the first time I'd seen her since the end of 2023 (right before dad died). Things between us have devolved to almost no contact over the last two years, which, actually, is fine with me. I only agreed to see her out of a lingering sense of obligation. As far as I'm concerned, our relationship is pretty much over. That hasn't been an easy decision to come to, but I've decided it's best for my mental health.
So anyway, she came over for a couple of hours and it was okay. I made lunch and put on a polite face, and she was on her best (but still not great) behavior. I breathed a sigh of relief when she left and was glad nothing had been too weird or awkward...haha! Joke's on me! The next night she messaged me with some truly bizarre thoughts and accusations. Crazy stuff. I know she's taken to drinking again over the past few years, and also takes a lot of assorted pills, so maybe she was drunk or high. Or maybe she's having some sort of undiagnosed mental health issue. The next day she deleted the messages and apologized (just as I predicted she would), but instead of taking responsibility for her behavior she blamed (get this!) the fact that she's diabetic for her outburst. I know lots of people with diabetes, and not once has a single one of them come at me with weird accusations and spoiling for a fight! Of course, ever since she was diagnosed a few years back, that's been her go-to excuse for everything so I shouldn't be too surprised. This was only more confirmation that I'm doing the right thing to keep contact with her strictly limited. She wants more from me than I can give her, since it would mean having to sacrifice my mental well-being to maintain a closer relationship. I've worked through most of that, and I'm simply not interested.
On to better and happier stuff. Thursday was my 19th wedding anniversary! I really did good when I picked my husband! :) I took the day off work, and with my regular summer Friday off, I'm having a four-day weekend! Yesterday we went thrift store shopping, hoping to find a couple of interesting lamps for the house. We didn't have any luck, but it was fun looking around. The actual gift we ended up buying ourselves is mainly a gift for me: a nice set of stainless-steel cookware. It's going to be great to get rid of my old cheap nonstick pots and pans that I've been "making do" with for years! I love to cook, and like everything else it's easier with good tools. Gregg really likes and appreciates my cooking, so he said it benefits him in the end, too.
We're also making plans to go away for a few days, but not until fall. There are really nice waterfront villas at a state park on Lake Murray (a couple of hours west of here) that we'd like to rent, but you have to make reservations several months out. Apparently, they're very popular and so all booked up for the summer. We prefer to go in the fall anyway, when the weather will be much nicer, so that's not an issue. As fast as the weeks fly by September/October will be here in a flash.
Speaking of summer, check out a small sample of the stuff I've picked from the garden in the last week!
Just a word of support for your arms length relationship with your mother. I had to do this with a sister, despite great pressure from other sisters. I ended up saying I didn't have the clinical skills to manage her insults and abuse and they were welcome to step up. Sometimes you must do this. Just because you share DNA doesn't mean you're supposed to be a lifelong target.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this comment and for the support. There have been dozens of times in the last year or two that I wanted to write about this stuff but was afraid it would be...off putting?..to my friends here. It's hard to admit your own mother doesn't like you, and vice-versa.
DeleteSounds like you're handling your troubled Mom well. It's best to disengage and distance yourself from toxic people, I agree. And enjoy your new cookware! Good pots and pans make all the difference!
ReplyDeleteI'm really excited about the cookware! It will be a definite step up.
DeleteThe fall ios fine. No hot humid days. Those veggies look scrumptious.
ReplyDeleteWe kind of wish we'd picked a different time of year to get married, because the heat and humidity make June an uncomfortable time to be outdoors around here. The beaches aren't far away but they're awfully crowded. Fall will be much better for adventures!
DeleteVeg from the garden- already! Wow you must have had some sunshine! Bully for you for standing up to an abusive parent- no one should be justified for poor treatment of their offspring , because they are emotionally immature.Diabetes untreated can make people a bit crazy but that is certainly no excuse - I am sorry . You are a treasure, her failure to see that is on her. Eff her!
ReplyDeleteWell, her diabetes is treated, although she skips meals and eats a ton of junk food and drinks, so....you get the idea. She acts like some sort of martyr since she got diagnosed, as if millions of people aren't managing diabetes and getting on with their lives. It's all for attention. The world and everything in it revolves around her! Not the sun, HER! ha
DeleteOh those Tomatoes.... I can taste them from here.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could share them with you! You'd be welcome to a bagful!
DeleteToxic family here, too. All gone now, but years ago through intention and just plain geography I was distanced from them - and good thing, too.
ReplyDeleteAnd like you, I limped along with inferior cookware that was handed down to me. Buying my own pans was exciting indeed!
I only live about 45 minutes away from my hometown...I wish it was further. Distance helps!
DeleteIt’s good to hear from you! Hope the hand has healed well. Good for you knowing your limits with your mother. Maybe I should start using my diabetes as a reason for being a shit. You have done so well despite the parenting. Keep it up. Even though I don’t cook, I like a new set of pots and pans. I like the kitchen to look good. Those veg look luscious! There’s nothing like fresh garden tomatoes.
ReplyDeleteHey Mitchell! You could never be a shit, even if you tried! :) I wish I could share some tomatoes with you. We're looking forward to the shiny new pots and pans!
DeleteYou are growing some fine produce - congratulations! I hope your rose is still blooming well.
ReplyDeleteThe rose is growing like mad! The first flush of blooms is over, but yesterday a fresh pink bud appeared so we're likely getting more flowers soon!
DeleteYou know how I feel about your "relationship" with your mother. It's not possible. A true relationship between any two people cannot be based on the abuse of one of them by the other one.
ReplyDeleteOh, how I wish my tomatoes were doing as well as yours are!
Your support means a lot to me, Mary.
DeleteYou've got a lot out of your garden already. Good work, Jennifer!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you know how to take care of yourself.
We picked a whole lot more yesterday...so far productivity is good this year!
DeleteYour tomatoes...argh...I will not covet your tomatoes. I will not!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou'll have your own tomatoes soon, I'm sure!
DeleteThat‘s how it should be with a garden: When you‘re not working in it, you enjoy it - either by looking at it or eating its produce 😊
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your 19th wedding anniversary! Gregg is right, the cooking things are really a present for both of you.
As for your mother, you are handling a difficult situation with dignity and reason. Hats off to you.
I'm really trying not to be unkind to my mother, and I'm learning to take my time when responding to her...my motto these days is respond, not react. It hasn't been easy and it's all still hurtful sometimes, but I'm in a good place. Thank you for the comment!
DeleteOh, don't say September will be here in a flash. Bite your tongue! I'm glad you saw your mom, even if the results were mixed. She does sound like she has some issues and I hope she's getting medical and/or therapeutic care.
ReplyDeleteOops! Sorry Steve! September will be a long, long time from now. Ages and eons! :)
DeleteSometimes just getting through a night calmly with relatives is a success xxx
ReplyDeleteAin't that the truth!
DeleteI am mad-jealous of the tomatoes, and wish you good fortune with the husband. Which is better I wonder? Home grown tomatoes or a spouse? ho ho ho
ReplyDeleteHmmm...tough call. LOL!
DeleteI started typing a comment and poof! it disappeared. Happy 19th anniversary! As I was reading through the comments and I saw Ur-spo's comment, it reminded me of a poem he sent to me years ago. I was going through a lot of family drama and I was literally at the end of my rope. And then he sent me this poem, which I read over and over again when I was going through periods of self-doubt. Here's the link if you'd like to read the poem. It is called "The Journey" by Mary Oliver. https://margaretmcgoverne.com/2019/01/08/poem-of-the-month-the-journey-by-mary-oliver/
ReplyDelete