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Thursday, September 9, 2010

Whiny Thursday

Sometimes I long to escape from my life. From everything. Just jump in the car, point it west, and ride off into the sunset. Stop somewhere that no one knows me, and be a new person for awhile.

I'm kind of in the dumps this week. The job is a grind, and with the holidays looming it's only going to get worse. Several long-time workmates have quit in the last few weeks, which means training (and getting to know) several new employees. When I'm home, there seems to be no end to housework and errands. I am also stifling under my routine...it seems that I'm in a rut in my personal life. Nothing seems exciting. I feel so dull.

I am also finding myself without anyone to really talk to about stuff. There is my wonderful Husband, and I am so grateful to be married to a great guy, but I would really love to have some girlfriends. Right now I don't have any true friends besides my husband. Even my family has been distant. My parents and I have never been extremely close, but lately they're so wrapped up in their own world that I feel that they have no time for me at all. I feel the same way about my in-laws. I love my mother in law and her husband, but between them they have 5 kids and 8 grandchildren. They are super busy. I used to go to visit fairly often and we would have loads of fun, but lately there has been varied problems with the other "kids" and since my husband and I are the "problem free" ones, we're kind of on the back burner.
And we never hear from my sister in law or brother in law. I tried for years to be close to my husband's sister and her kids, but they moved to VA  and the sister is in a bad marriage that she won't seem to do anything about, and her children are teenagers now. They were very close to their uncle and me when they were small, but now that they're older they don't even so much as thank us for birthday or Christmas gifts that we send. Their mother has withdrawn from the whole family. There is no point in trying to call her....she won't answer and she will almost never return the call, either. And I have no brothers or sisters of my own. So I feel kind of lonely in the world :(

 How do adults meet people and make friends? I am generally fairly outgoing, and I am kind and thoughtful. I would make a great friend! Lots of women my own age have kids and are all caught up in raising them, and maybe since Husband and I are childless we just seem kind of odd. The South is a very traditional place, where you marry young, raise a bunch of kids, go to church, vote Conservative, etc. etc. and I don't fit in with all that very well. Maybe I'm just too "odd" to feel like a part of my community.

Normally this stuff doesn't bother me so much. I'm not sure why I'm in such a funk about it all right now. I was a lonely only child and I learned at a young age to take solace in books, in my relationship with animals, in my own private world. I am truly thankful for my happy marriage and the blessings in my life...most of the time. I just wish I had more people around to share my life with.

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