After last weekend's balmy, spring-like temperatures, things have shifted and this morning it's 19 degrees outside. There's also talk about a chance of snow on Sunday, although I'll have to see that to believe it. Still, it's gearing up to be a long weekend of cold weather and staying snug in the house. I say "long weekend" because Monday is MLK day, a federal holiday and an extra day off. It's a very welcome break, even though we just returned from the holidays a couple of weeks ago. It's so hard to drag myself out of bed on these cold, dark mornings, even after going to bed early and getting plenty of sleep.
Our school is doing a "January Weight Loss Challenge" with anyone who wants to participate putting $20 into the pot, winner take all at the end of April when we have our last weigh-in. It's going to amount to about $400 for the person who loses the biggest percentage of their body weight (which of course is fairer than just number of pounds lost).
We had our initial weigh in on Monday. I was devastated to realize I've gained back most of the weight I lost last year. I was so disgusted with myself. I knew that I'd gained some back, based on how my clothes fit, but I hadn't dared step on a scale in two months. I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad, but what a wake-up call. I've been in a funk all week since then.
Sometimes I despair of ever being in better shape. I feel middle-aged, fat, and ugly these days. Everyone always says to be kind to yourself, and work on your self-esteem, and talk about "self-care" blah blah blah, but right now I'm struggling with those things. To be honest, I don't like myself very much these days. If I could take the weight loss jabs, I would, but since I'm not even pre-diabetic my insurance won't cover them and I can't afford the out-of-pocket cost.
So here I am, beginning again, damn it. I don't expect to win the Weight Loss Challenge, but if I can take some of this weight back off, I'll consider that enough of a win. Gregg and I are planning a vacation to Kitty Hawk, NC this year for our 20th wedding anniversary and I'd really love to not look like a whale on the beach. I'd also like to look nice for my husband, who deserves a wife who takes better care of herself than I have been.
19 comments:
Jennifer, it is cold here in central Virginia this morning too. When I took the dogs out, it was 21 degrees. And yesterday it only got up to 37 and it was windy, which made it seem all the worse. I am sorry that you are having some self-esteem issues. I get it as I tend to go in cycles where I have my own self-esteem issues myself. I have been that way all of my life. If it means anything, I think Gregg is very lucky indeed to have you as his partner. I can tell from your blog posts and your comments that you have a big heart, and that matters a whole lot in my humble opinion!
I understand. I truly, truly get it. But shame tends to feed on itself. Don't do that to yourself. After working so hard, I gave myself a break over the holidays. End result? I have gained 7 pounds since Thanksgiving. No more breaks for me! I wish we lived closer! Going to the gym makes me feel better, but also, I see that I am not alone. There are a lot of us. Good luck! You have done it once. You can do it again.
I fully second what Ms. Moon says in the last 3 sentences of her comment!
Yes, you are SO MUCH more than your dress size, and you are one of the most beautiful women I know. Seriously!
Participating in the challenge is a good way to self-motivate. Ultimately, it's you who does the hard work, and it is also you who will benefit the most.
Finding it hard to get out of bed during those dark and cold months is only natural - all mammals (and most other species) are reluctant to consume too much energy this time of year, with quite a few of them going in hibernation. While we can not realistically do that, our bodies still signal for us what they have established in the course of evolution; it's not gone simply because we have artifical light and heat and no shortage of food like it was for most of (pre-)human history.
Good luck on this serious challenge. As I get older, I've learned that weighing myself several times a week is one of the best ways I have of controlling my weight gain, something us older people need to worry about.
I understand how hard it is when you look in the mirror and don’t feel good about yourself. I wish we could all be better at that. That being said however, I was saddened to see you write that your husband “deserves a wife who takes better care of herself.” My point is your husband deserves the wonderful, caring, smart, fun, wife he has. Period! Many people have little to no control over their physical appearance and they’re still adored. And, by the way, although you don’t want to hear it, I think you’re beautiful. And my opinion is law.
EXACTLY!
We are supposed to get snow sometime next week, so we'll see.
It'll shut down the entire town of Camden!!
You are a wonderful, loving, lovely person and Gregg loves you just the way you are and you know in your heart that is true. Lose weight to feel healthier if that is what you want but do not be mean to yourself. Give yourself the same love you give to everyone else.
I can relate to your feelings. It's true that we're our own worst enemies though. I try to get out on walks and stay active, but my 60s haven't been kind to me, weight-wise.
You did it before and you can do it again Jennifer! As you know, I have lost more than 14 pounds in the last eleven weeks - admittedly with the assistance of Mounjaro. I am not one to dish out advice unless it is requested and in any case I am sure that you know what you have to do. You sound motivated gal so get going! The very best of luck.
Congratulations on your 20th Wedding Anniversary !
The Sparrow Tree Journal will keep you young. It's a writing thing.
Metabolism is strange. I like ice cream and cake and my waist size hasn't
altered in half a century. Never jogged or swam or played tennis. I like the
idea of hill walking but prefer cities and towns. Gave up strong liquor.
Mrs Moon took the words out of my mouth. I don't qualify for those shots either and the cost is tremendous. I commiserate with your feelings and admire your competition at your job - you go girl. And I am sure your husband is like mine who tells me I am being silly (I tell him he needs his eyes examined).
Happy Anniversary! Twenty years! And a special trip! That is wonderful.
I do hope you filled your pockets with lead pipes before the weigh-in. Weight-loss is all about THREE things; Eating less, Drinking less, and Exercising more. All do-able, but all require determination; something I seem not to possess. I've gained weight since the new year!!!
During covid I decided to work on myself while stuck at home. It took me about 18 months to lose 55 pounds. I walked 3 miles a day and taught myself about carbs, fiber and protein. I found that although exercising was helpful, it was what, and how much, I put in my mouth that made the weight come off. I've regained 7 pounds over the last few years and I am ok with that.
The most important thing is to not get discouraged. It may take 6 weeks before you even start to lose weight. This has to be a long term mindset, not something to achieve by April.
You already have great words of wisdom above, but I second (or third?) Ms. Moon and Mitchell particularly. Everyone gains weight during the holidays -- it's almost a requirement. Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all love you just as you are, as I'm sure Gregg does too!
It is frustrating; I am glad to see all the support here for you.
Absolutely AMEN to this^^!!!!!
I like you, and I've never seen you. Doesn't matter to me. You are wonderful.
Oh Lord Jennifer, this is such a loaded struggle, especially for women. We've been told, shown, and preached AT all of our lives that our only value is in what we look like. Yes, there is the health aspect of being overweight. The antiquated BMI says I am obese. I disagree. I am the most active person I know, and I would rather be strong than skinny, so I focus on consistency of eating enough protein and fiber, and lifting heavy and doing mobility work. I am in therapy as well, and working on healing my relationship with food (and it is a relationship). At nearly 65, according to my doctor, I am killing it in strength and mobility. Studies have shown that being skinny does not equate to having quality of life as women age. Once we hit menopause, it's even more important to strength train over being skinny, as the catastrophic loss of estrogen affects the ability to maintain lean muscle mass, bone density and cognition. Fuck being skinny to "look good," I want to be able to kick ass, and not end up in a nursing home with dementia. (more women get dementia than men, and it's from the loss of estrogen more then genetics) I have been taking HRT for years now, and feel the best I have ever felt. I will never again do the crazy dieting shit I've done over the years. If I could hug you, I would, and tell you that what you look like is not who you are. You are a good and kind person, a decent and caring human being.
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