What a difference a good sleep makes.
I haven't been sleeping well lately; no surprise I supposed given everything that's going on. Most of last night wasn't much better. In addition to stress, I've started having some pre-menstrual sleep disturbances due to (probable) perimenopause. At this point in my cycle nowadays I wake up throughout the night drenched in sweat and then I shiver because it's cold and my nightclothes and hair are damp. I have stressful dreams, too. It was that way last night, but then at sunrise I dropped back off and slept like a stone for three more hours. Now I feel almost human again.
Thanks everyone for your support on my last couple of posts. I haven't responded to each of you individually because it's just too emotionally draining, but know that I appreciate all the kindness.
A couple of book club friends have invited me to lunch in an hour, and I'm planning to go. I need to get out of the house for a few. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work next week because sitting at home stewing over everything isn't helping me or anybody else. Of course I'll take whatever time off my mom needs for me to be with her, but except for that I'd rather be busy and try to distract myself. Right now I'm just taking one day at a time and dealing with things as they come.
Thanks again for all the kind words, everyone.
I'm so glad this holiday season is almost over. It's not really my favorite time of year to begin with, and this one has been especially painful.
I finally went to see my mom and dad today, now that the danger of spreading Covid is over. At my mom's suggestion I picked up a pizza on the way there for our lunch, but neither of us felt like eating it. One of the hospice nurses had been out early this morning, and my mom wanted to talk to me about what she'd said.
The nurse says dad is now "actively dying". She thinks he may only have a few days left to live. I wasn't particularly shocked at the news, but it still felt like a dagger in my heart. The kind nurse had offered to stay until I got there, to explain things to me, but mom had told her that it wasn't necessary. They're stopping all his medications (he's almost unable to swallow at this point) save for morphine drops to put under his tongue as needed and something else to keep him from feeling anxious. It almost certainly won't be long now.
Mom also wanted to discuss plans for after dad dies. His wish is to be cremated, and mom doesn't think she can bear to have a funeral right away. She wanted to make sure I'd be okay with that; I'm actually more than okay with it. It's a relief. I can't stand the thought of funeral homes, and embalming, and having to see a bunch of people when we're dealing with grief. And the expensive of all that would be ridiculous, too.
The plan is to have the cremation go ahead immediately and then at some point in the future having a small gravesite service where his ashes will be interred next to my grandparents. Something very simple, with family only, and after a little time has passed. I think it's a good plan.
I went in to see dad twice today. He woke up enough to talk to me a little both times. Before I left the second time I told him I loved him. He said, "I love you too. Take care of yourself."
That "take care of yourself" gutted me.
I had intended to stay with my mom for a little longer, but at that point I had to leave. I can't stand to cry in front of other people, even my mother, and I felt like I was about to choke. Of course I told mom I can come back any time she needs me, but right at that moment I had to get out of there. It was a sad ride home. I'm having a harder time with all this than I expected.
I don't know if I'll see my dad again. My mom asked me if I wanted her to call me as soon as he dies so I can dash down to see him before his body is taken away. I told her to call me if SHE needs me, and that I'll come right away, but that I don't necessarily want to see a lifeless shell. She understood. She just wanted to make sure she could honor my wishes and I respect her for that.
It's a hard thing, saying goodbye to a parent. Tonight I feel like a sad little girl on the inside. My heart aches.
My dad was just in the hospital again. He came home last night, in very bad shape.
His doctor has decided that there's nothing further that can be done for him. They've called in hospice and last night they delivered a hospital bed to my parents' house for him.
I spoke to dad on the phone for a minute yesterday, and the only positive thing I can say about it is that he seemed to know who I was. Dementia has set in and a conversation is pretty much impossible.
I dare not visit until Gregg and I both test negative for Covid, probably next week. He may or may not make it that long, depending on how this latest crisis plays out. He's had ups and downs regularly over the past year, but I don't know how much bounce back he's got left in him.
At least now my mom will have the help she desperately needs to care for him.
And at least he can die at home, which is what he wants.
I'm not posting this looking for sympathy, but as a way to document what's happening for future reference.
After three years of testing myself every time I so much as got a sniffle, I was shocked when that second line popped up on the Covid test Friday afternoon. I almost hadn’t bothered taking a test at all, I was so sure it would be negative. I guess I'd gotten the stupid idea that I was immune after avoiding it all this time. I'd even put off getting the latest booster, which in hindsight was a real mistake.
I've been incredibly lucky; I've had colds worse than this. Mostly I ran a low-grade fever for a couple of days and felt kind of tired, along with a mild headache that came and went. There have been pretty much no respiratory symptoms, and today I feel mostly back to normal.
But......last night Gregg started to shiver, and I took his temperature, and sure enough, he had a fever. Damn it! We tried to stay apart and be careful, but chances are I was contagious before my symptoms started. So far this morning he feels okay, and after taking a couple of Tylenol his temperature is normal. To be safe, he's headed to the doctor to confirm whether or not he's positive (we don't have any more home tests) and to get an antiviral if he is. Hopefully his symptoms will be as mild as mine, but we're not taking any chances.
As grateful as I am that we're not any sicker, I'm sad that Christmas is pretty much going to be canceled. I missed the work Christmas party, as you know. Then we had to cancel a planned visit from family on Sunday. My sister-in-law, Karen, was planning to come for the day along with our nephew Tyler and his wife Jessica. This was the second time we've had to cancel on them due to illness. Gregg was sick with some random virus over Thanksgiving when they first planned to come.
Tomorrow I'll also have to miss my book club Christmas party. I had recommended the book we read this month, so I hate that I can't go. (I also missed book club last month when Gregg had the stomach virus thing). Then this coming Saturday Martina had planned to come over for our annual holiday book exchange--obviously that's not going to happen now either. And until Gregg and I both test negative, I can't go see my parents, because my dad's health is so poor that Covid would be very dangerous for him.
I'd planned to spend a couple of days baking cookies and treats this week, but since we can't do anything or see anyone, and since we're not feeling great, I'm not going to bother. Hopefully I'll be able to mask up and go grocery shopping in another day or two, at least, because all we have to eat here at the moment are cans of soup, Saltine crackers, ginger ale, and Gatorade, all purchased hastily by Gregg over the weekend to keep us going while I was sick. Our empty fridge and pantry don't look very festive, that's for sure.
I guess there's always next year.
Hey ho.
4:30 pm...So it's finally happened. I have Covid.
Well, today was a shorter day than I expected.
Yesterday and last night I started feeling a tickle in my throat and a mild headache. Then I woke up throughout the night with body aches. When I got to work this morning the body aches got worse. Just to be on the safe side, I had the school nurse take my temperature. I really didn't think I was running a fever, plus I'd taken Motrin earlier for the aches.
But I was running a fever, despite the Motrin.
The nurse thought I should probably head home, since fever is a sign that someone is contagious. I was so disappointed to miss the holiday party!
And it's just my luck that I'm getting sick at the start of my break.
I'm heading out soon for a half day of work, followed by our staff Christmas luncheon, and then guess what...........
It's winter break, Baby! Woo!
It seems I have two different Secret Santas at work. It's only supposed to be one, but I've gotten two different gifts both days so far this week. I talked to the person who organizes it all, and she can't figure out why it's happening. No one has complained about not getting anything (at first we thought it must be some mistake). The most likely explanation at this point is that I have the one regular Secret Santa, and the other is the administrative staff person who pulled my name who has decided to leave me gifts all week instead of the one bigger gift that's expected. I have a sneaking suspicion that the admin staff who got my name (and is leaving the extra gifts) is the assistant principal, Mrs. Smith. One of the gifts had a note on it that looks a little like her handwriting. Either that, or some random member of the staff has decided to shower me with some extra love!
This whole first year at my new job is turning out to be a learning experience. There are many, many special events, field trips, holiday celebrations, and fundraisers that take place in an elementary school setting. As both the school secretary and bookkeeper (especially as the bookkeeper), the learning curve has been somewhat steep, but I'm really enjoying it. Over the past couple of weeks, in addition to my regular duties, it's been preparing for our annual "Breakfast with Santa" event. It takes place on a Saturday morning, with a pancake breakfast, crafts, storytimes, and one of the teacher's husbands dressed as Santa and taking photos with the children. It's a big deal, and let me tell you that a LOT of work (and expense) goes into pulling it off.
When I found out that it's not just limited to students at Carver, I invited Marla and little Carsen (who attends a different elementary school in the district) to come. I bought Carsen's ticket as one of her early Christmas presents, and Marla and I took her yesterday.
I was so glad I went! Not only did Carsen have a great time, but I got to see the result of my hard work these last two weeks. (Had I not had a child to bring, I wouldn't have gone at all). What a great turnout we had, and what fun it all was! It made the work of preparing for it all feel more worthwhile.
*At one point in the story, Santa ripped his pants trying to go back up the chimney, and you could see his candy cane printed long johns underneath. Mrs. Claus said, "That's right, children! You could see Santa's drawers!" and a little girl in the audience (with perfectly dramatic timing) piped up with, "But I don't WANNA see Santa's drawers!" It brought down the house.
This month has flown by. It started out with me feeling less than stellar, probably a mild version of the respiratory virus Gregg eventually caught. He was so sick--he ran fevers for over a week and didn't start to come around (and go back to work) until the day before Thanksgiving. He's still got a pretty bad cough, but otherwise feels better. I was pretty worried about him. Thank you for all the well wishes and concern.
Thanksgiving was okay. I cooked a fairly standard meal: turkey breast, roast potatoes and carrots, dressing, gravy, cranberry sauce, collard greens. For the first time in his life my husband ate collard greens and LIKED them! I consider that a major cooking victory. For 90% of the time I've known him he wouldn't have even tried a mouthful, so the fact that he ate good size helpings two days in a row was a big deal to me. Over the years he's gradually expanded the list of healthy foods he'll eat, and that makes me happy.
It's been an uneventful break from work. I've spent a lot of time sitting around watching tv, which is unusual for me. Even reading feels like too much effort at the moment. I supposed it's just some leftover depression from being sick and then looking after a sick person. Also, it's November and there isn't much light. I'm ready to fall asleep by 7pm on these days when it gets dark so early.
Back to work in the morning.
Last night I spent several hours prepping food for our two-person feast. Here are the highlights:
RIP to my almost 20 year old corkscrew. Thank you for your service, friend.
Another shit day. Gregg woke up running a fever and vomiting this morning. I went to work for a couple of hours (long enough to catch up on stuff and make bank deposits) and came home at 11:00am to take him up to Urgent Care. Even though the ER doctors had run lots of tests, including a CT scan to make sure his lung was clear of any blood clots, as far as I knew they hadn't tested for flu or strep. (They did do a Covid test, which was negative).
After waiting two hours, he finally saw a doctor and tested negative for flu, strep, and a second Covid test. They gave him a shot of Zofran to stop the nausea and a prescription for Zofran tabs that melt under the tongue. Their best guess is that he has a virus that's just going to have to run its course.
Funny story: while we were waiting to be seen (the Urgent Care was packed today, there are lots of things going around) Gregg had to go to the bathroom adjacent to the waiting area to throw up. He was clearly audible, retching and dry heaving, and a little girl went up to the desk and said, "There's a man calling for help in the bathroom!" Two nurses hurried out with a key to unlock the door. I had to rush up and tell them that it was just my husband in there vomiting! But bless that kid for being so concerned for a stranger. None of the adults sitting around the room could have cared less that there was a man in distress in the bathroom.
Gregg still feels terrible, but at least he's not throwing up now. His sister texted me a little while ago to ask how he was doing. Here's the text exchange between us:
I'm sitting in the ER with Gregg this morning. He's caught my cold, and he woke me up at 4am having difficulty breathing. Although he argued with me about it, I insisted on bringing him to the emergency room. Shortness of breath isn't anything to fool around with, especially for a person with only one lung.
His oxygen level is okay, thank goodness. Right now they're running some tests to make sure nothing too serious is going on. I'll update later on when we know more.
Update: we are at home. They didn't find any blood clots (thank God!) or anything else too concerning. There is a slight issue with one side of his heart (with the electrical impulses that flow through one side) that he's seen a cardiologist for in the past and that they think he might want to follow up on again, but the doctor wasn't too worried about it. He's breathing a bit better now, so hopefully everything will be okay. I was scared.
Also, while we were waiting in the ER my mom texted me to let me know that one of my cousins OD'd and died last night. We weren't close, and he'd had drug problems for years and years, but it's still sad. He was only 55 years old.
It's been a rough week. I've managed to both catch a cold and pull some muscles in my lower back at the same time. How lucky can you get! I am not a happy camper!
I've taken two at-home covid tests since that's definitely going around again, but they've both been negative. I guess that's something to be grateful for. At work I've stayed holed up in my office because a terrible stomach virus has been spreading like wildfire through the school. Children are throwing up and having diarrhea left and right, and I don't need that to add to my woes! Several staff members have colds and I suppose that's how I caught mine. Schools are just crawling with germs. I've kept Lysol spray and disinfecting wipes handy and only venture outside my office when absolutely necessary.
I hope I feel better by the weekend. Tomorrow is my dear husband's birthday, and I'd like to make him a cake and a special meal, but if I'm still feeling this way then I'll have to put it off. I ordered him a lot of new clothes online last week, so he'll have gifts, at least.
How's your week going?
Some pictures from the annual Halloween trick or treat neighborhood crawl!
The new parents with baby Georgia..
Happy Halloween!
Last week at work was a busy one for me, because on Friday we had annual Fall Festival and school fundraiser. There's a committee of teachers and staff who make all the plans, and as the bookkeeper my role was to book (and pay) for vendors, order games, schedule (and again, pay for) things like the buses to get the West Florence high school marching band to our school for the kick off parade, and of course, receive and deposit payments for admission wristbands to the Friday night carnival and all donations to our student activity fund. It was a lot, but everything went off without a hitch and our school made more money this year than we ever have, or so I'm told. And it was all a big success!
The fun kicked off with a costume parade of the entire school around the quarter mile car line. The teachers dressed up, the office staff (including me!) dressed up, and the entire school--teachers, staff, and students--participated. We were led by the West Florence High School marching band and cheerleaders. Loads of parents and community members came out to watch and cheer us on. It was so much fun!
I'm including three brief clips of the parade here: first, the band leading everyone out the front doors of the school, and then two others I filmed after I'd completed the walk with the other office staff.
Our elderly neighbor, Luella, passed away suddenly back in January. She and her husband bought the house next door to us in 1971, so she lived there for over 50 years. She was a sweet lady and a good neighbor to us, and we miss her. Yesterday a lot of her family convened at the house and seemed to be cleaning things out. Boxes and small household items were loaded into cars and taken away. My best guess is that the estate is finally almost finished with the probate process, and they're taking the first steps toward selling the house. All three of Luella's children grew up there, so I imagine there's a lot of stuff to be sorted. It's been nine months since Luella died.
Nine months.
Yesterday the lovely young couple across the street brought their newborn baby girl home! Some family members (one of the new grandmas among them) decorated the porch with pink balloons and a big banner that says, "It's time to celebrate baby Georgia!" ahead of their arrival home from the hospital. They also tied a huge pink bow to the mailbox, a tradition around here that announces that there's a new baby in the house. It was all very sweet.
I got a small gift for our newest neighbor (books, my standard gift for new babies) and a card for the new mom and dad. I left everything in a bag by their front door, since I didn't want to knock and disturb them at such a special time.
Well, that was quick! I go back to work this morning. A week off really flies by, but it was a nice break.
I was a bit too ambitious in my plans. I didn't get half of what I planned to do, done, but it was a really nice break anyway. I took lots of walks with the dogs (enjoying the first really chilly weather of the year), did some cooking and baking, read a lot, and then finished up the weekend by binge watching The Great British Bake-Off. How I love that show! And yesterday Gregg helped me give my car a very good cleaning, which it was in desperate need of. It's going to feel good to drive a shiny clean car to work this morning.
It's also great to report that I have zero dread about going back to work today. I really don't mind going back at all! Would I rather be at home for another week? Of course! But to have no anxiety about going back is wonderful. So far, this is the most stress-free job I've ever had. I continue to be thankful for it.
Have a great day, everyone!
It's another beautiful October day. I love having a week off this time of year, because the weather is as close to perfect as it's possible to be in South Carolina. Warm days, cool night, low humidity, blue skies, and leaves just barely beginning to turn. And it feels so good when summer is finally over!
I went to the farmer's market on Monday afternoon and bought a bunch of apples (mixed varieties) from the mountains. This afternoon I'll turn most of them into an apple crisp, and then any leftovers will be sliced thin, sprinkled with cinnamon, and dried in the dehydrator. Apple chips make a delicious snack that's relatively healthy. And since I'm on my first apple kick of the year, I bought a six pack of hard cider, too. A bottle of cold cider goes down nicely on the porch late in the afternoon.
Yesterday was interesting. First, I found a dead mouse in one of the traps our pest control guy had left behind the refrigerator. I'd started seeing mouse poop in some of the cabinets a couple of months ago, and I cannot live with rodents, so he had to make a special trip out to put down traps. We'd finally caught one little mouse over a week ago, and we thought that was it, but left a few traps down just in case. Then yesterday there was another one. I'm very squeamish about such things and had to use a stick to move the trap into the garbage. Gregg was at work, or I'd have made him deal with it. (I'm not too proud to play the "girl card" when it comes to bugs and rodents and dead things). Then I'd barely had time to recover from the mouse episode, when I walked outside and noticed Poppy chewing on something furry. She'd killed a squirrel!! UGH!!* So that was two dead animals I had to dispose of within an hour.
I'm not exaggerating when I say I needed a drink and a small lie-down after all that. Ahem.
Georgie had to go to the vet today for his yearly heartworm prevention shot. He barks at other dogs, which is embarrassing, but he's super sweet to all the humans. Especially women. George loves the ladies!
I went back to the doctor yesterday to have the patch tests and tape removed from my back and the results read. The doctor found 7 things that I'm allergic to, two of which are commonly used in manufacturing shoes. Here's a snapshot of the information sheets I was given on the things I need to avoid:
After work yesterday I went to see my allergist for patch testing. Here's what my back currently looks like.
Good Tuesday afternoon, friends. How's your week going?
Mine is going sloooooow. I have next week off (it's our fall break/intersession) and the days are starting to drag just as they always do when time off is on the horizon.
I have a few plans for the week, but nothing major. I certainly can't afford to go anywhere right now (worse luck!) but I'm going to try to enjoy myself in small ways. My plans are:
I'm grateful to have made it to fall intersession with my new job. I kept telling myself last spring (when I first found out I'd landed the job) that by October I should be fairly comfortable with everything. And it's true! I've learned a lot, and it's such a good environment that I haven't had a single bit of work stress since starting there. None. Zero. What a wonderful change from last year!
What would you do with a week off at home?
Wednesday night I hosted my book club's September meeting. There was a large turnout: eleven guests in all. I don't think we've ever had so many people in our house at one time! I was really nervous about it and worked really hard to prepare, giving the house a major cleaning over the course of a couple of weeks and then spending a lot of time planning and shopping. (I spent a fair amount of money, too). But in the end, it was all worth it. Everything went off without a hitch, I was proud of how the house looked, and most importantly, everyone seemed to have a good time.
Preparing the food is my favorite part of any party, and I really had fun with it this time. I made my first ever charcuterie board!
