Monday, August 10, 2020

Rough night, tough decisions

 Yesterday was a bad day for Ginger. She started swelling through the middle again, and by the time we went to bed she was hugely swollen and miserable. Not only that, but she didn't pee all day long. She could barely stand up, she was so swollen with fluid, and she didn't eat much. In the middle of the night she drank a bunch of water and then threw up the little she had eaten during the day as well as the pills we had given her. We were sure today was going to be the day we were going to have to have her put to sleep. And she had been doing so well all week!

After a terrible sleepless night for us both, we called her vet and took her up there this morning. We steeled ourselves for what we thought was coming. Dr. Causey, to our surprise, offered to drain the fluid off again and to check her again at the end of this week. We were so torn about whether to do it or not; she was so miserable yesterday that we hate the thought of this just happening again and again. But on the other hand, she felt so much better last week that she was able (and eager) to eat, go on easy walks, and sniff around the backyard after they got the fluid off. So we decided to try it one more time.

It only took a few minutes, and they got 5 pounds of fluid off her chest and belly. Doc says that her kidneys are fine despite the fact that she wasn't peeing yesterday, and he said she should be back to peeing normally today and we should continue to give her the heart pill and lasix. He wants us to bring her back Thursday afternoon to see how things are going. We do NOT want another weekend to catch us when we're helpless to watch her struggling.

We're trying so hard not to be selfish. We of course want her with us as long as possible, but on the other hand we don't want her to feel bad. Also, I'm not sure how many more times my heart can take staying up all night wondering if we're going to have to have her put to sleep in the morning, steeling ourselves to go through it, and then bringing her back home for another week's reprieve. But if she still can have quality of life, how selfish is it to put her to sleep just because the situation is causing us stress and heartache? Last night I hoped that she would just die peacefully in her sleep at home so that we wouldn't continue to be faced with these terrible choices, and so her last moments on earth wouldn't be spent in the vet's office. I feel guilt both ways. Especially when this morning she managed to climb willingly in the back seat of the car and willingly walked into the vet's office. She trusts us (and them) to fix things for her but I'm not sure how much longer we're going to be able to. This is so hard.

But for the next few days, she's at home again and already seems to be feeling better with all that fluid off her body. Hopefully we'll have another good week with her, spoiling her, but when this fluid builds up again I think we're going to have to say "enough" both for her, and our, sakes. None of the choices feel right and I feel like my heart is breaking afresh every single day. 

51 comments:

  1. {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you all. it's hard to watch a furkid suffer. :`(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hugs gratefully accepted, even the virtual kind. Thank you, my friend.

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  2. Trust your gut, Jennifer. You know your beloved dog better than anyone and your love for her is boundless. Your gut will tell you what to do. And of course there are no easy answers here. Probably not even a "right" answer. Just the best one for your Ginger.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Ms. Moon. Your words, as always, are a comfort to me.

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  3. My heart breaks reading this. I know this is really hard in so many ways. Ms. Moon above said it best. Trust your gut. You and Ginger are in my thoughts.

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    Replies
    1. Please go give Murphy an extra hug and a kiss from all of us. Our time with our precious dogs is far too short. Treasure every moment. Thank you for the kind words and thoughts.

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  4. As someone who's had to make this decision a few times over the past 45-50 years, I feel for you. It doesn't get easier but the memories are precious. Hugs.

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    Replies
    1. I've only had to make this decision once before, and you're right, it never ever gets any easier. If anything it seems to be worse this time. But whenever our girl does pass, we have 13 years worth of treasured memories as well as the sure and certain knowledge that we gave her a great life. I'm clinging to that as a comfort right now.

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  5. I feel for you Jennifer. My daughter is going through a similar situation with her dog, Buddy, in Oz.

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    1. Oh no! I thought Buddy was a young dog still, although I know that even young dogs can have health problems. Please give your daughter my very best wishes for Buddy.

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  6. I am so sorry, Jennifer. I hope Ginger has a good week and you can love on her for a little while longer.

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    Replies
    1. We're giving her all the love we can these days, spending lots of time beside where she's sleeping, stroking her and telling her what a great dog she is and how much we love her. I know she knows how we feel about her.

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  7. One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is whether to walk away or try harder and keep going. I think you both will know the answer when it comes to you when it's time.

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    Replies
    1. I hope we'll know when it's time. I think we will.

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  8. This is so difficult. I am sorry Jennifer. It's good that she has had this time and she seemed to enjoy it too, until last night. Trust your instinct on this. You don't want last night to be a regular occurance because it is too hard on all of you. Let her and you and Gregg enjoy the good times with her and your heart will tell you when she's had enough. I am so sorry. Sending love and hugs to you all.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, Sunday was a terrible day. There's no way we're going to allow her to have repeated episodes like that, it's just not fair to her. And my heart simply can't take it. Thank you Bonnie.

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  9. I have a (human) friend with liver failure and she goes through this process every two weeks. It can go on for years.
    Lovely ginger, she knows how much you love her

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    Replies
    1. I believe she does know how much we love her and I think she has total trust that we're going to take care of her.

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  10. Ginger, what a surprising girl you are!

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    Replies
    1. She is surprising, and TOUGH! She's just an all around excellent dog. There will never be another like her.

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  11. This is how it goes, good weeks, bad days. As with humans, the thing you have to be most concerned is the quality of her life. Lily doesn't like Vets and would be stressing out if she had to go often, Biggie, on the other hand, will let them do anything as long as he gets a treat.

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    Replies
    1. Ginger has never really minded the vet, although she won't accept treats from anyone there and never has. It broke my heart, the way she trustingly climbed into the car Monday morning and willingly walked into the vet's office with us. I think she's smart enough to know that we're taking her there to help her feel better.

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  12. You'll know when the time is right, and it won't be for you, it'll be for her. It's a horrible decision for us to take, but for our precious animals it'll be the right one.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Cro, and thank you for your blog post this morning. I remember all too well when you lost your beloved Monty and Bok and how heartbroken you were. My heart ached for you and your family on those days. I know you understand how hard this been. Hugs.

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  13. Poor you, and poor Ginger. But what a good man your vet is!
    One of my cats had a bladder tumor that was clearly causing her pain and discomfort. The vet described a possible operation and therapy but then looked me in the eyes and said that she would not choose this if it were her own cat, especially not with my cat already being 17 years old. I took her advice and appreciated her honesty - she could have made a lot more money out of the OP and therapy, but acted in the best interested of the animal.
    As the others here have sad, you know your dog better than anyone else and will do what is best for her, like you've always done.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, our vet is a good guy and he's doing his best for us. Your vet sounds like the right sort, too, and I'm glad she did the right thing by you and your cat.

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    2. There is real relief in trusting your vet! My cat developed a rare cancer and I gladly paid for surgery; however, the surgeon and my GP vet urged me to take her to a specialist some distance away. The great man said they wanted me to hear from him that nothing could be done to save her, no matter what I spent. The team eventually helped her pass painlessly and gave me a sense of peace. May you be so blessed when the time comes.

      Delete
  14. Sending good thoughts your way, knowing only too well just how hard it is to go through this process. Shower you love on Ginger. That's the best thing you can do in this moment--for all of you.

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    Replies
    1. We're giving her all the love we possibly can right now. She knows how much she means to this family. I have no doubt of that.

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  15. All I can do is send you warm thoughts and lots of cyber hugs.

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    Replies
    1. You're a good friend, Mitchell. Thank you for your constant support and kindness.

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  16. I can't remember all the ins and outs of my dear dog Dillon's last week, but I know it was hard..I think I have blocked some of it out. As Mary said, you will know when it is time, and so will your vet. Any hope that she could be put to sleep at home? It certainly helped us to say goodbye , as I said before D was terrified to go to the vet. Sending love and hugs from UK.

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    Replies
    1. I can understand blocking out some of the last, hardest days. If Ginger were scared of going to the vet, I'd ask him to come and put her to sleep here, but she doesn't mind going. At least not yet. I may end up asking him to do it anyway, especially if she gets to the point that she can't walk.

      Love and hugs gratefully accepted. Thank you so much.

      Delete
  17. The kindest thing my vet ever said was that you'll know when the time is - she'll tell you. And like you that final night Puss looked deeply at me and I knew that she was ready. I would never be ready but looking back it was the decision that was the worst, and I know that it was a decision made from love.

    Julie

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    Replies
    1. I hope you're right, and we'll know when she's had enough. I love her far too much to keep her here a minute longer than she wants to be. I had to make the decision for our first dog, a cocker spaniel named Nicky that I loved dearly, and it was hard to do, but the right thing.

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  18. I know the pain and the difficulty of deciding. thinking about you Jennifer.

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  19. Thinking of you and Gregg at this distressing time. Surely the vet wouldn't simply be prolonging the agony for the sake of it. He must have hope.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Neil. No, Dr. Causey wouldn't prolong all of this just for the sake of it. I think he's still hoping we can manage Ginger's heart failure and give her some more good days. I appreciate the fact that he's doing everything in his power to make that happen, and even if he doesn't succeed I won't forget how hard he's tried for us.

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  20. Your vet is doing the right thing by guiding you through this. He'll let you know when it's time to let go. When there's no more he can do and when it's time to say good bye so until then try to enjoy the time you have with Ginger. I know it's difficult and I know you love her, but be strong ♥

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  21. I missed this post -- didn't realize she was having trouble again. Again, I'm so sorry it worked out this way, but it sounds like it really was time. I know what you mean about wanting to help and being unable, and even wanting nature to take its course if that will bring an end to the suffering. My thoughts are with you all.

    ReplyDelete
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