Like a shot in the arm

It's Thursday morning and already I can say that it's been a better week. I feel better and much more cheerful.

On Monday I was scheduled to go in to work and answer phones for a few hours. The administrators were there working hard to put together a virtual awards ceremony video. Due to a change in how registration was done last summer, over half of our students didn't have "media release" forms on file letting us know if we had their parents' permission to use their photos and names in something that would be shared on social media. Between honor roll, various school awards, and a photo montage of all of our 8th graders (in lieu of a middle school graduation) we had over 300 students whose parents and guardians needed to be contacted! I offered to come back the next day to help and the principal immediately took me up on it. So I went back Tuesday and worked a full day alongside him, his three assistant principals, and two other staff members they managed to find. I personally called and spoke to almost 60 parents and left messages for about two dozen more. By 4:30 I was beginning to stumble over my words a bit and my voice was started to go hoarse so I knew it was time to quit for the day. I haven't talked to so many people in months! Yesterday I went back and finished, I still had about a dozen parents to contact left on the my list. In between all these lengthy phone calls explaining who I was, what we needed and why, and how to access the video, I was also taking pictures of our Teacher of the Year and Support Staff of the Year and doing write ups on them and posting them to our school's social media. 

So yeah, I was busy. And I loved it! It felt so good to be contributing to the school again! It was even nice to talk on the phone to so many parents that I know--some of whom were desperate to talk after weeks of lockdown which I totally get. It was a treat to sit and have lunch with a few of my coworkers, too. The principal bought us all lunch and we gathered in a conference room, spread apart some, to eat it and there was much laughing and talking. Going to work for three days has made all the difference in how I feel.

Another great thing happened on Monday afternoon. When I got home from work Gregg and I went outside and trimmed some bushes in front of the house. While we were working on that, I got a text from Marla saying she wanted to drop something off at my house for us. I told her to come on by, that we were outside. A few minutes later her, her husband, and the baby pulled up. Marla got out of the car and stood several feet away and we got to talk face to face for the first time in months! She had brought two cupcakes for us to try. The baby's birthday is later this month and she's planning to make strawberry cupcakes for the party. And get this---it's going to be a Zoom birthday party! No one will actually be at their house except the three of them.

Luscious

I was so happy to see them. The baby was in a carseat in the back, and I said to her, "Carsen! I'm so happy to see you!" and she responded in her tiny little voice, "See you....."

I've missed that little girl so much.

I got a little teary when they left. I swear, I'm turning into a weepy, emotional mess in my old age.

So that's been my week so far. I'm feeling much, much better. Thank you all for the nice comments and support on my last post.

How are you doing this week?

Angsty Sunday

Happy Mother's Day to my readers here in the US who celebrate it! I hope you do something nice for yourselves today.

I sent my mom an inexpensive flower arrangement to mark the occasion, since I won't be seeing her. I probably wouldn't have seen her anyway, even without Covid-19, to be honest. I have a much older cousin whose children and (now) grandchildren my mom has gotten increasingly close to over the last several years. My cousin's daughter has three little children ranging in age from 5 years to 5 months old, and my parents have decided to consider them their grandchildren rather than great nieces and nephews. (I'm an only child who didn't give them actual grandchildren, much to their disappointment). Because of this, they usually spend Mother's Day and major holidays with these cousins and their families. A middle aged daughter and son-in-law aren't nearly as much fun as little kids they can play with and spoil! I understand that.

I go to work for 4 hours tomorrow, to answer phones. I hate only working a small token amount each week. I realized the other day that part of my low mood is coming from feeling mostly useless these days. Earned time off in a regular year, even when it's the whole summer, doesn't trigger any guilt in me, but I don't feel right about having this much. I haven't really worked since March, and I won't again until at least the end of July. (I say "at least" because I realized the other day that I haven't actually signed my work contract for next year yet. What I signed was a "letter of intent" back in January that just states I plan to come back the following year if my work agreement is renewed. The actual work agreements don't come through until May 18th, and as I stated in my last post, I have this nagging worry that the pandemic might end up making my job go away. So there's something else to keep me up at night). I'm beginning to understand why retired people feel a loss of a sense of purpose when they no longer go to work. I feel like I'm not contributing anything to the world right now. And I haven't used this time off to better myself in any way, either. I haven't started exercising more or working on my Spanish or picking up my long neglected knitting projects. Despite a few  household projects that I've helped Gregg get done, and some yard work, I've mostly been.....sitting around. On my bad days I tell myself that it's sheer laziness and I feel bad about myself. If I could somehow reclaim some sense of purpose it would help, I think, but it's hard to find ways to do that when we're still stuck in lockdown mode.

How do you retain a sense of purpose these days? Are you making good use of this time, or, like me....not so much?

Stormy weather

A big storm front rolled through the area late last night. I woke up to the sound of thunder, wind, and heavy rain an hour or two before sunrise. Try as I might, I never really went back to sleep after that. I finally gave up trying, got up, and put on a pot of coffee. The weather matched the mood for the first two hours of the day.

Gregg went to the pet store at 7am (it opens at 10am) to work on the aquariums for a few hours. As long as he doesn't have to have contact with the public, he's glad to get in a few hours' work. I imagine he's also happy to get out of the house for a little while, too, although he's much better at this stay-at-home and play hermit thing than I am. My husband is a true introvert. I'm much closer to the middle of the scale as far as that goes.

I did get to go to the school yesterday for a little while. I was scheduled for a 4 hour shift answering the office phone. It's a comfort to me to go to work right now, no matter that it's only about once a week for a half day. I have a secret gnawing fear that we're not going to be able to open schools back up in August, and at what point does the school receptionist become redundant in a situation like that? At the beginning of the year I signed my work agreement for the next school year, and as a state employee I probably have some protection against losing my job due to the pandemic. Still, I can't help but feel uneasy.

The worst part of this pandemic (to me) has been how uncertain the immediate future has become. Every day I'm dogged with this vague uneasiness and sense of dread that I just can't completely shake. I push it down and try not to think about it too much, but it's there, all the time. I'm still having weird stress dreams, not just at night but during the day when I take naps! That's a first for me. And for the past two days I've been feeling this weight of unexplained sadness. There's no rational reason for me to feel sad, I just do. I woke up that way again this morning.

Bringing in May

Another week of lockdown has come and gone. The time really flies when you're stuck at home, doesn't it? Our state is slowly opening back up while our positive cases continue to climb and climb. Florence county is leading the way with big daily increases, as well as number of deaths relative to the rest of South Carolina. It's already May so who knows how much longer social isolation will need to be maintained? I'm tired of it all (who isn't?) but since our local numbers keep going up this is no time to throw caution to the wind. I miss normal life so much, though.

Speaking of which, two of my book club friends and I found a creative way to spend time together on Saturday morning! We went through the drive-thru at Krispy Kreme in our individual cars for doughnuts and coffee, and then found an empty parking lot where we parked our cars in a triangle formation and rolled down the windows to talk. It was so good to see their faces!

The back porch and the bird feeder continue to be a daily source of happiness. On Thursday evening, May Eve, we saw two rabbits run the length of our back yard along the property line just before sunset! They appeared to be headed towards the creek. That was the first time we've ever seen rabbits at this house, and it seemed to be an auspicious date for it. Rabbit sightings have always been a sort of personal good luck omen to my husband and me. We started spotting them over and over in the weeks leading up to our wedding (14 years ago now) and during our honeymoon. The Painted Buntings are still visiting our feeder, much to my delight. The male is like a little flying jewel, with all his gorgeous colors, and the female is the most beautiful shade of yellowish green. They're exceedingly rare in this area and I'm shocked that they've stayed around for a full week already. The Rose-breasted Grosbeaks were only here for two days, sadly, but I expected that because they're known for migrating through our state but not sticking around. I feel lucky that we got to see them at all.

We're not the only ones enjoying the back porch these days.

Marco, Ginger, and George all enjoy spending time out there, too. Not at the same time though!Marco can scream so loud that both of the dogs avoid him as much as possible. They dread those ear-piercing shrieks (so do we). When we bring Marco out, both dogs make a beeline back inside the house. Which is for the best, considering that they don't like him much to begin with and if he flew down into their faces something bad could happen. We try to be really careful when he's out of his cage around them.

Today is yet another beautiful day for going outdoors. It's still nice and cool, the sun is bright, and the sky is as blue as can be. I'll be out on the porch watering plants, filling the feeder, and afterwards maybe reading a book. How do you plan to spend your Sunday, friends? Whatever you're up to, I hope you're all well and having a good day!

Hello from the lockdown

Things have escalated rapidly in this whole coronavirus pandemic. Our school district, under the direction of our new progressive Superintendent, has been quietly preparing for emergency "e-learning" for a while now. Of course, they thought they were preparing for weather emergencies like hurricanes or snow days, not this. Every student has a district-issued laptop where teachers can post lesson plans and video lessons from home and students can log onto the Google Classroom app and do their work. They even did a few class periods online last semester as practice. Last week the Superintendent sent out directions for teachers to begin making virtual lesson plans "just in case" school closures were on the horizon. So when the governor announced on Sunday night that all South Carolina schools were canceled, our whole district was ready to go. It's been astonishingly easy for our students to make the transition and despite only being 2 days in, there were very, very few parent phone calls. The teachers are reporting a great first two days. Our administers, guidance counselors, office staff, cafeteria workers, and school nurses had to report to work yesterday and today while last minute kinks got worked out, but now we're done, too. No one has any idea when we might be able to go back. I actually got teary-eyed when I got the text a few minutes ago that we're not to report to work anymore until further notice. It drove home how real this all is.

Today was also Gregg's last regular day at the pet store for the foreseeable future. He plans to go up there every other day an hour or two before opening to maintain the aquarium systems and care for the animals, but that's it. No more contact with the public. Almost all of his side jobs maintaining aquariums are gone, too. At best, he's looking at earning only about 15% of his normal salary for the duration of this thing. I don't care....I'm glad we're both off work to ride this thing out at home, money be damned. Hopefully our small savings will carry us through until things go back to normal. Gregg can't afford to take chances with his reduced lung function and other risk factors.

I won't lie to you. I'm scared. I've never seen anything like this, and I just hope it's not too late to get it under control. Lots of people are disappointed for various reasons: vacations canceled, weddings and parties put on hold or scaled down, even some of my coworkers who are afraid their high school senior kids won't be able to take part in a graduation ceremony or senior prom. My birthday is next week; I don't expect to have any kind of celebration whatsoever. But as long as we can manage to not get sick, that's the best anybody can hope for right now.

I imagine I'll be blogging much more frequently now that I'm hunkered down at home for the next few weeks. How are you doing with all this? What do you do to cope? I made a run to the ABC store the other day and stocked up on gin, vodka, and whiskey. I imagine a drink or two is going to be sorely needed in the next few weeks!