Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Summer 2020

Marla and Martina came over for a masked visit Monday night. Masked, because it's far too hot to even think of sitting outside on the porch to maintain distance. Have you heard of "maskne"? Getting acne on your face underneath where a mask goes? That's happening to me. Even sitting inside in the air conditioned house, I'll sweat under a mask and yesterday morning I woke up with a painful zit on my chin. A small price to pay to get to safely socialize for a couple of hours.

It was great to see them both, but I couldn't entirely shake the despondency that I've been feeling for the last while. At times like these I'm glad that I'm taking a low maintenance dose of an antidepressant. I can feel the darkness of anxiety and depression lurking around the edges of my consciousness. A whole variety of stressors are contributing to it, I think, many of which everyone reading is likely experiencing to some degree these days. 

I made a couple of pizzas (which didn't turn out well at all....the pepperoni tasted funny and I burned the crusts a little bit) and also some cupcakes from a box mix that had been sitting in the back of the pantry since the lockdown began in March. Martina had just had a birthday, hence the cupcakes. Marla brought over a case of hard ciders to share.  It's weird sitting with friends and everyone wearing a mask. I sometimes wonder if life will ever get back to normal. 

Oh, and Marla's parents and grandma sent us a huge bag of homegrown tomatoes from their garden! I made BLTs with some of them last night, and they're the most delicious tomatoes we've had this year.



I've done some reading lately, but most of it's been re-reading favorites. The exception was a $1.99 e-book I downloaded of Shirley Jackson short stories. I really liked The Haunting of Hill House and We Have Always Lived in the Castle, and all the stories have the same kind of creepy/unsettling vibe. Fun summer reading.

We've also been watching the HBO documentary I'll Be Gone in the Dark, about the crime blogger and writer Michelle McNamara's search for the Golden State Killer. The GSK was a notorious serial killer and rapist who terrorized parts of California in the '70s and early '80s and the case had long gone cold. Thanks to the attention her work reignited, they actually caught the guy a couple of years ago. The FBI was able to track him down by searching ancestry databanks from companies like 23 and Me for distant relatives of his who shared some of his DNA. After all these decades, the monster is finally in prison where he belongs, and the story of the search for him has been fascinating. The documentary is also about McNamara, who unfortunately passed away suddenly the year before and didn't get to see the killer get caught. That's a shame. I'm not normally a person who enjoys true crime type shows or podcasts, but I've been enjoying this one and can highly recommend it.

Besides reading and watching tv, I haven't been doing anything much worth mentioning. The heat and humidity have been terrible. Going outside just isn't fun. I'm tired of being so homebound. Except for the grocery store, I rarely go anywhere unless I have to make a trip to the drugstore or to put gas in the car. When I run one of these errands I usually drive around town a little while I'm out, just to get a break from being at home. When I think of how badly I've needed and wanted time off in the past when I was working a lot and life was normal, I feel guilty about not enjoying all this free time. Still, it's just been too much. If I could do more normal things like visit friends, go to book club (it looks like we won't be resuming that at all this year), go to the library or the thrift stores to browse, then things would be different. In this city and this state, coronavirus is running rampant and doing any of those things would be risky. It's bad enough worrying about going back to school in another month. Just yesterday our local news reported that a neighboring school district (Darlington) had 6 cafeteria workers test positive for the virus. They were working at the schools' summer feeding programs for the community. Now all the school cafeterias are closed down for disinfecting and the workers are in quarantine. And that's just when they're making summer lunches for some of the kids! Who knows how bad things will get once we reopen. As much as I want to go back to work, I'm dreading what the fallout may be. Gregg wears a mask all day long at the pet store or when he's servicing aquariums, sometimes for up to 10 hours a day, and still he's worried because our numbers are so bad and so many people continue to refuse to honor the mask requirement. He's wishing now he had gone to work at first when the virus numbers were still low, and could take some time off now that things are so much riskier. If things continue to go downhill he might have to anyway. 

All in all, it hasn't exactly been a stellar summer, has it?

31 comments:

  1. I feel for you in this risky environment. We have better numbers here in NY but we still basically stay home.My husband and I both have medical conditions that would not do well with this virus. I am grateful we are retired but like you I wish I could do something "normal". Know that you are not alone.

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    1. What I really hate about this pandemic is the question of when life will be getting back to normal. There doesn't seem to be any end in sight at the moment and that depresses me. If we could say, "Ok, by the end of the year, this will be over" I could cope a whole lot better, but the way things are going it might be 10 times worse by then!

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  2. Oh Jen, I know too well the feeling you describe and mix those with anger and that's me. I enjoy the times Ive spent with friends safety and got away, but it goes by as quick then there are more weeks of seeing nobody.Thanks goodness I was able to do that, otherwise I may have drunk myself to death by now.

    Those tomatoes look lovely. I see a huge Capri salad with fresh mozz and basil!!!! But I can live with a BLT TOO!!!!!!BACON IS A LVOELY THING

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    1. Yeah, I've been taking a break from drinking for the most part. I was having several drinks every afternoon for a while there, mostly out of boredom but also as a self-medicating thing to deal with low level anxiety. That's NOT good, nor is it healthy. I'd also like to try to take off a few pounds in the month I have left before I go back to work.

      Mmmmm, a Capri salad would be delicious! We've almost finished that whole bowl of tomatoes if you can believe that. Real tomatoes are one of my very favorite foods.

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  3. {{{{{hugs}}}}} that's all I can offer you.

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  4. Oh my goodness, those tomatoes look SO good! There is nothing like a home grown tomatoe. I love seeing the Duke's too. It is a favorite of Tom's since he grew up in South Carolina and we could not get it here until just this year. Now that he can get it we are never out of it!

    Oh Jennifer, I do understand the depression as I have dealt with it for many years. I do take something for it but it does not always help. The way this year has gone many people are having trouble and if you are prone to it anyway then it can be even more difficult. I wish I could help you but I can say I understand.

    I have been thinking of you and Gregg as I see the news and hear of the high number of Covid cases there. Sometimes I just wish we could turn our brain off for a bit as all this can be so overwhelming. Our state has seen some very high increases in cases each day and it keeps going up and not down. Some want another partial shutdown but that won't happen with a Republican governor that won't even require masks. Luckily in our local county we do have mask orders but still the cases increase.

    You and Gregg please be careful and know that you have many friends wishing you well including me! We all just have to hang on until we get that vaccination and then hopefully things will slowly get better. Hugs!

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    1. What a nice comment, Bonnie! Thank you!

      We're being very careful. I keep seeing people doing things like taking vacations at the beach, traveling to see out of state family, local news footage of crowded concerts and Harley bike rallies in Myrtle Beach, and I don't have to wonder why cases are going up and up and up in South Carolina.

      We only go to necessary places, always wear masks, use hand sanitizer, wash hands thoroughly, etc. I hope it's enough to keep us safe. You and Tom stay safe, too!

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  5. No the summer has not been stellar. As someone who wears a mask 8 hours a day, I can truly sympathize with Gregg. We have a lot of people coming into the store without masks, while a lot do, there are a lot who don't. They just don't believe it.

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    1. Sometimes when Gregg exerts himself he says it feels a little hard to breathe in a mask. He has one lung, so half the volume of a normal person, and the mask makes doing anything physical (like lifting heavy bags, for instance) a bit more uncomfortable. But does he whine and complain about wearing one? No he does not! Because that's how decent responsible adults behave. And a mask is far more comfortable than a damn ventilator!

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  6. Jennifer, I always love reading your blog. No, this summer hasn't been great. An old friend invited me and another friend over to her house for a luncheon yesterday. I got there first. She asked how I was doing, and what did I do? I teared up!! I guess I am not doing that great myself. I am worried about going back to school and catching the virus. Other stuff is kind of weighing me down too...so I get how you are feeling. And you are in the hotbed of Covid. How did this become a political issue? The tomatoes look great...and Duke's mayo!!

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    1. Michael, I love reading your blog, too. I wish you lived a bit closer, I think we'd make first rate pals. :) Don't feel bad about tearing up. Kindness always gets me the exact same way and I'll tear up at the drop of a hat!

      Yes, those tomatoes are delicious! You should try to locate some good tomatoes and a jar of Duke's. Nothing like a good tomato sandwich even without bacon! The essence of summer!

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  7. I totally relate to what you are feeling; I always have an underlying level of anxiety about the virus and these unpleasant living conditions. I would love to visit a bookstore and buy a couple of books I would discover randomly while walking around. It is the small social things like that that I miss. Could your book group meet on Zoom? Even if only two or three of you want to meet that way, it is very much fun. My book group had 11 on Zoom and we each chose a fav book to talk about. Hey those BLTs look delish. My area of California is a Covid mess!

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    1. I got your card yesterday and I LOVE IT! Thank you, Terra! You're so sweet and thoughtful. My book club probably could meet on Zoom, but only about half would have the means to participate easily. (For instance, I have a desktop computer without a camera, and would have to use my phone, and that option isn't very good). We always enjoy the food and drinks and non-book chat just as much as talking about the book, so in person is far superior. Sigh.

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  8. I have noticed that in about an 8 mile radius of our home there seem to be clusters of areas where almost all of the people you see are wearing a mask and then just a few miles from that area the trend seems to be not wearing masks, and a couple of areas where mask wearers and non wearers are about equal. I know in some cases from family and from what my friends mention about mask wearing by their various family members, that it seems to be a political thing.What an unusual item to have political significance.

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    1. I can't believe something like taking precautions for a virus that has proven to be deadly has turned into a political issue! It IS an unusual thing. Just another symptom of how much trouble our country is in these days.

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  9. Not a stellar summer at all.
    About the most positive thing I can say is- Duke’s mayonnaise is awesome!

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  10. Isn't it good to have Tomatoes again, that taste like Tomatoes!

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  11. Good job I've already had breakfast when I looked at the pictures of your BLT - mouthwatering!!
    I'm glad you got a chance to spend time with Marla and Martina. Friends are so important, and right now we can see so little of them, let alone give them a hug.
    Hearing and reading about the situation in your part of the world, it is very understandable that you feel the way you do. Over here, things are a little better but we, too, have our share of mask-refusers and people who believe it is all a big scam. The numbers of new infections are rising again, mostly because people are fed up with sticking to the rules and throw caution to the wind.
    Still, I personally have nothing to complain, so all I can do is offer you a big, virtual hug and send my best wishes to you and Gregg to stay healthy.

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    1. It's not just the virus that's making things hard over here although that's the biggest and most obvious source of anxiety. The political situation is about to reach a boiling point, I'm afraid. This upcoming election has settled a cloud of impending doom over the whole nation.

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  12. These have been difficult times even if you hadn’t had depression issues to begin with. I’m so glad you got to see friends... and drink hard apple cider. Those BLTs make my mouth water. Not something we have here. But I could make that at home! Yes, even I know the recipe and have had success! Sending you hugs.

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    1. Thanks Mitchell. I felt bad about it, but I was distracted and.......not really enjoying myself while my friends were here. It had nothing to do with them, it was all me.

      Thank you for always being here and being a friend. :)

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  13. No. Not a stellar summer at all. Even when the sun has been shining there's been a heavy grey cloud over the world. Just be grateful that you didn't break four ribs when wearing "crocs" on wet steps! 2020 - a year to forget as well as a year to remember.

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    1. I don't own a pair of crocs, and likely never will, now.

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    2. Good one York. Hope you are feeling better. Ribs are the worst. I broke my tailbone wearing crocs on wet brick paving. Basically started planing along the top of the water. Up in the air and down on my arse.

      Jennifer, big bloggy hugs from a down under winter.

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  14. We have many of the same anxieties here about school reopening in a few weeks. I imagine we'll be closing again before too much time elapses -- surely someone's going to show up infected and put us all into another lockdown -- but who knows?! This virus has really shaken up our sense of reality and our ability to plan for the future, two things that human beings rely on!

    On a positive note: Beautiful tomatoes! What a great gift.

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    1. Oh, and I'm sure you've already considered this (maybe you've even done it already), but what about doing your book club remotely? You could do it over Zoom, which would still let you stay in touch with each other, have some wine, read good books and talk about them.

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