Later tonight my book club is meeting for the first time since February, but I won't be joining them. Despite the fact that they're meeting outdoors, and it's going to be "bring your own drink and snacks" and masks will be worn, I found out that Gregg was really uncomfortable with the idea because of our rising Covid infection rates. It seemed wrong to go if it caused him anxiety so I canceled. He's probably right, but I sure hate not going. Those women are so important to me and I look to them for support, and I miss them. Sigh.
I'm feeling sad a lot these days. My estrangement from my parents (my dad sent me a message apologizing for how he spoke to me, but my mom has doubled down on cutting me out of her life), missing Ginger (it's still so hard), Covid restrictions, the upcoming election and political situation, it's just....a lot. Stress is contributing to some physical ailments, too--stomach/digestive issues, major eczema flares. Taken together, every day I just feel down in the dumps.
I try not to complain because I know how lucky I am in many ways but almost everything feels "off" lately. I hate the fact that the days are so much shorter, too. After the time change it's going to be dark right after I get home from work and I dread that. Then the other night we saw where some experts are saying the next 6-12 weeks are going to be the worst of the pandemic. Who knows how all that will play out, but I know for sure that the holidays aren't going to be the best this year. I'm dreading those, too.
Also, lucky me--I leave in half an hour to go to the dentist. It's just a routine cleaning and checkup but I've had so many bad experiences at the dentist (although not my current one) that my anxiety almost gets the better of me when I have to go in for anything. I can't keep putting the appointment off though because I was originally supposed to go the week that Ginger died. When the nice girl called me the day before to remind me I burst into tears on the phone and explained that I couldn't possibly go, because my dog was dying. The poor girl felt so sorry for me and I was embarrassed. So the appointment has already been delayed since August. I might as well get it over with.
How's your week going? Better than mine, I hope!