Things could be worse

This year the district gave us this whole week off for Thanksgiving instead of the usual three days. Everyone was super excited about it, especially folks who travel over the holiday. I imagine people who do lots of cooking/hosting will be grateful for the extra time, too.

 We won't be doing any traveling this year (not that we ever do). We're in the process of preparing to paint the remodeled room, and so the meal I cook for the two of us tomorrow will be small and relatively simple. I picked up three large turkey breasts for the freezer last week--they were such a good price that I couldn't resist--and I'll cook one of them for the holiday, and the other two will be handy to have around later in the winter. 

Gregg had three separate oncology appointments yesterday. He's going to be doing four or five radiation treatments sometime within the next few weeks, probably before Christmas. There's a small and (very) slowly growing mass in his lung and the doctors all agree that it shouldn't be ignored. His PET scan came back clear, thank goodness, although there was a slight bit of heightened activity around the spot. They can't do a biopsy, since that poses some risks when you only have one lung, so they've decided to treat it as if it's malignant and proceed from there. They're all confident that a few radiation treatments will eliminate any potential future problems. I'm really, really grateful that the doctors are being so proactive in taking care of him.

Radiation will be a new experience. The last time, it was surgery and chemotherapy, chemotherapy that he did not tolerate well at all. The first thing he said about this treatment plan was, "At least I don't have to do chemo this time." It should be over relatively quickly, and fatigue and skin irritation are the only major side effects they expect. But then, get this: the radiology oncologist Gregg met with said that occasionally a broken rib is a side effect of lung radiation.

A BROKEN RIB, Y'ALL. 

Hopefully, that won't happen. And the doctor assures him it isn't all that common and they have good pain relief available if it does. But still!

Thank goodness the treatments should be done by January, and we can leave this episode behind as just one more shitty thing that happened in 2024. I'm really hoping for a better 2025.

Wish List

Last week I got an email from Little P.'s mom that she knew would make me smile. Little P. had created a Google slides presentation (haha) of his Christmas wish list and shared it with her. She forwarded it to me because she knew I'd get a kick out of it.

Little P.'s Christmas List 2024

1. A cell phone ("please please please can I have one?")
2. Sneakers (not cheap ones, either)
3. An Xbox gift card
4. A new football to replace one he lost.

All pretty normal asks from an 11-year-old boy, but it was the last slide that made me laugh out loud. 

That boy cracks me up!

A small treat

It's always good to find a seed catalog waiting in the mailbox! Today I got the first one of 2025. Time to start planning next summer's garden...

Flare

After a long and grueling week, I'm grateful that the weekend is finally here. Outside my window, the sky is deep blue and the fall color in the trees is about as good as it gets. There's a sharp chill in the air this morning, and the hot cup of coffee I'm sipping really hits the spot. 

Monday night I had another extremely nasty eczema flare, one of the worst ones I've ever experienced. I'd just spent the whole day at work trying to function while pretty much having low key panic attacks all day. I had to close my office door to cry over and over, that's how bad it was. I've been under loads of stress, and it seemed to reach a boiling point that day. So then...that night I woke up just after midnight with painful, swollen, hot-to-the-touch skin in patches all over my body. My fingers were maybe the worst, so swollen with small hard blisters breaking out that I could barely bend my fingers. Large red welts had appeared around both elbows, and all the places where I normally have eczema (ankles and tops/sides of feet) were on fire. It was really, really bad.

 I did go in to work despite all this but called my allergist's office as soon as they opened. They weren't able to squeeze me in for an appointment until the next morning, but they immediately called in a prescription for prednisone to the drug store for me. I was able to start it that afternoon. 

When I finally saw the doctor the next morning, something good came of all this: he said he was pretty sure he finally had enough evidence to get my insurance company to cover Dupixent injections for me. It's a new and incredibly expensive biologic treatment that's supposed to be a total game changer for uncontrolled eczema. He took pictures of my skin to use as evidence and did all the paperwork necessary to send to the insurance company, and it worked! I was approved two days later! And since he was so sure he could get it approved for me, he gave me two sample injections to get me started. I'll be getting the refrigerated shots in the mail from an online pharmacy by the time I need to take my next shot, which will be in two weeks. 

It seems that a majority of people who use this drug have outstanding results, with over 75% achieving at least a 75% decrease in symptoms. Lots of people seem to be totally cured while taking it. After all these years of suffering through these skin problems, that's going to seem like a dream come true.

So at least one good thing happened this week.

Just coping

Just a short post today to say that no, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Writing anything for the past week has felt nearly impossible. I tried to sit down and write something once or twice but had to give it up; I deleted everything I typed almost immediately.

Obviously, the election results were a shock and very distressing. I've had to totally disengage with the news and the political podcasts I've followed so closely for months now. I'm also cutting way back on social media consumption (not counting blogs and blogging) and have removed some apps from my phone, like Facebook and Reddit. 

The morning of the election, right after we had voted, Gregg had an appointment with his oncologist to go over the results of his yearly chest scan. When he got back home, I asked him if everything was okay. He replied, "Some complications have come up." 

My heart dropped.

Since 2018 they've been monitoring a small, slow growing mass in his right lung. Which is his only lung, having lost the left one to cancer 12 years ago. Last year they had him do a PET scan out of an abundance of caution, and nothing lit up as cancerous. Well, at last week's oncology appointment the recent scan revealed that the mass has grown faster than usual this year. Dr. Smith is sending him for another PET scan next week, followed by appointments with both him and with Vinod, our pulmonologist friend. They're not screwing around or wasting time, and while I'm grateful for their sense of urgency, it scares me.

There are several good, positive signs: his bloodwork looks good and mostly unchanged from the last few years, there's been no weight loss, he feels good physically, etc. Also, since he had a PET scan just over a year ago that was fine, chances are if there's a problem it's in early stages and will be more treatable...

I can tell myself these things all day long, though, and it doesn't do much to quell the sick anxiety that keeps rising up in my chest. I'm so worried. Knowing we'll have to wait two weeks for more information feels almost intolerable to me.

Gregg is worried, of course, but seems to be handling it all okay. I'm doing my best to be okay around him, and carry on as normally as possible. Yesterday was his birthday, and despite everything we had a pretty good day. I made him the meal he requested: meatloaf and mashed potatoes and I bought a small strawberry pound cake and ice cream for dessert. 

So that's where I am at the moment. Trying to carry on each day like everything's normal when everything is emphatically not. Between the election, and now this worry about Gregg, and everything else that's been going on this year, sometimes I feel like I'm barely hanging on.