Show your friends some love

This is the old ice cream bucket where we store peanuts for the squirrels that visit our back yard. We leave them on top of the compost bin and then enjoy watching them have their afternoon peanut feasts.

Whenever we go out to the back porch, after a few minutes two or three squirrels will present themselves for feeding along the back fence. As soon as one of us walks out there and leaves a handful of peanuts, they rush over and help themselves. It's cheap fun.

Speaking of fun...my book club met this past Wednesday night. The book wasn't very good, but it was great to see my friends. As we were getting ready to leave I saw Karen H. preparing to take a selfie and said, "Hey! Can I get in on that?" and she said, "Sure!" The next day she sent me this montage. 

Last but not least, I finally put up a little bit of autumn decoration on our front porch. While I was out there arranging the wreath just so, my sweet Georgie showed up and watched me. I sure love that old boy.

Back to the grind

Well, I got a new phone late last week after dropping mine in the goldfish container pond. What a hassle! None of my contacts (or photos, which hurts) were recoverable from the drowned phone, no matter what the nice young guy at the Verizon store tried. On the bright side, I was still able to trade it in for a good discount on the new phone. Gregg went ahead and traded his in for a new model, too. He'd been having charging issues for a while, so when I killed mine off it seemed like the logical time to replace them both. It seems like a luxury to have the very latest model of our phones. We're not given to buying stuff for ourselves just purely for enjoyment. 

I had a dental appointment yesterday. I need a crown (and possibly a root canal) asap. I knew it was coming, but I still hate it. I had to put down a hefty deposit to book the initial appointment, which will be November 3 (if the tooth doesn't fall apart before then). It had a huge filling from long ago that got decay underneath, and while it doesn't hurt, apparently it's pretty fragile. Sigh. I've had so much dental work, and it never seems to last long term, no matter what. The woman cleaning my teeth made me feel so much worse when she informed me that even zero sugar sodas (the only kind I drink) have citric acid that wears away tooth enamel and contributes to cavities and decay. Sugar, of course, is a non-starter. And then it was with the high-fluoride toothpastes...and mouth rinses...and always rinsing/brushing after every soda or coffee... and on and on and on.  It was so discouraging when I'm already upset about the uncomfortable work to come plus an $800 out of pocket expense after my dental insurance pays. I hate the dentist and I hate their bills even more.

Work has been super busy. Our annual fall festival and costume parade is coming up next week, and that means loads of money coming in for tickets, requisitions to pay for all the supplies and vendors, contacting payroll to arrange for overtime for custodians, arranging for transportation for the high school bands and cheerleaders that lead the parade, plus all my other regular duties. This first week back from fall break has been hectic and I'm already tired. 

Thankfully, today's Friday and I have the weekend to look forward to.

Book club, corn dollies, and a phone fail

On Sunday I hosted a book club party for my friends Marla and Martina. I'd been planning this little get together for months now, and it wasn't anything like I expected, but still fun. 

The book I chose was Harvest Home by Thomas Tryon. It's an American folk horror novel from the early 70s that I stumbled across as a pre-teen in my small town's limited public library. It's appropriately creepy for this time of year. 

In addition to chicken corn chowder, I served a charcuterie board for my friends to enjoy.

I also attempted to bake an apple pie and pumpkin bars with brown sugar icing. Both ended in failure. I got the spices in the pie wrong, and it was all but inedible. As for the pumpkin bars...I meant to double the recipe because of the large can of pumpkin puree I wanted to use up, but I failed to double the amount of baking soda and sugar and what I ended up with was a flat, bland mess. I threw it in the garbage along with the pie and went to the grocery store at the last minute and bought desserts to share instead. Oh, well.

When Marla showed up, she was not happy with her husband. He was out of town helping a friend with something, and he didn't make it back in time to watch their daughter, so Carsen had to come along. Fortunately, I'd had the idea to do a craft related to the book, and Carsen really had a good time participating. We made traditional corn husk dolls! Carsen put googly eyes on hers, and I thought it turned out really cute!

Martina's doll turned out really pretty, with rosebuds and marigold flowers hot-glued on.

I didn't get a separate picture of the doll I made (and couldn't for reasons I'll explain in a minute) but here's the four dolls arranged all together out on the back porch. Mine is on the far right.

And here's mine and Martina's after Marla and Carsen had left.

Right after I took these photos, I accidently dropped my phone into the container pond on the back porch. Arrrgggh!!!!!!!!!!! I also dropped a massive F-bomb in front of Carsen when I did it. 

I snatched the phone out of the water, and for a while everything seemed to work normally, which is how I got these photos saved, but by the next morning my phone was dead. No amount of rice is working, either. That's everyone's first suggestion, to cover it in rice to absorb the moisture, but it's been no good. I have to get a new phone. Luckily, I'm on fall break this week and I plan to take care of that tomorrow. It's really weird to be without a phone, though, even if it's just for a few days. On the bright side, my phone was really old and getting glitchy, so I guess this is a perfect excuse to upgrade. 

\

So that's how my fall break is going! 

Eighteen!

 This beautiful boy turned 18 years old last month. How time does fly.

Fall Bucket List

 

Personal day

Last Wednesday was a really nice day for me. 

I took a personal day off work and drove to Aiken, SC (about two hours west of Florence) to have lunch with my aunt Linda. Aunt Linda is my dad's older sister, and his only living sibling. 

I really didn't have much contact with my dad's family growing up. My mother hated and resented them her whole life and made sure no one could have relationships with them. It was all very toxic and awful, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, now that my dad is dead, and my mother and I have cut ties, I've reached out to my aunt once or twice and she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. Back in the summer I'd found some information about my Polish great grandparents online that I wanted to share with her, so we started planning to meet. It turned out that she has all sorts of family history documents, one of which is the ship manifest from 1906 when my great grandfather, Pawel Czmiel, came to Ellis Island at the age of 17. She made me copies of everything: the ship manifest, naturalization applications, family baptism records, my grandfather's WWII military documents, and on and on. It was wonderful! We met up at a restaurant with outdoor seating (the weather was nice) and sat and talked for over four hours. My aunt was so kind to me, and so welcoming, and I look forward to building a relationship with her going forward. It's nice to feel like I still have some family left in this world, and learning more about my dad's relatives means a lot to me.

Thought for today

Go slowly, go gently.

Rise up, yes -

but rise gently,

You are not a machine to be driven

nor a thing to be forced into labour,

You are a soul

fragile and luminous,

finding its way through a world

that can be both wondrous and merciless.

Go slowly, go gently -

Give yourself a break

you are doing your best,

Even on the days when your best

feels like little more than survival,

Let compassion fall inward

toward your own heart

the way you would soothe a friend

whose strength was faltering.

Go slowly, go gently -

Life can be cruel enough

do not add your own hand to the lash,

Let your tenderness meet your tiredness

and may you rest in the truth

that you are already enough.

Go slowly, go gently -

All that needs to be done will be done

time is not your master,

nor are the demands

nor judgements of others

the measure of your worth,

Do not rush yourself

into an early grave

by carrying the calendars of strangers

upon your back.

Go slowly, go gently -

trust the rhythm of your own days,

What is meant to be finished

will find its way through your hands,

And may you come to know

with a quiet certainty

that your life is not a race, a test, a goal, nor can your worth be measured in transactions,

Your life is an astounding sacred unfolding

and it is the only one you have.

So, go slowly, go gently.

- Conchobhar Ó Súilleabháin.

Sicker than I thought

 By the time I woke up this morning, the congestion had spread to my chest, and I was wheezing badly and short of breath. Otherwise, I felt ok, no fever or anything, so I went to work but called my allergist as soon as the office opened. The nurse (bless her!) said, "Hold on a minute, let me go talk to Dr. Stone" and when she came back said, "Can you be here at 10:00?" I said sure and told my principal I needed to leave for a little while to go to the doctor. 

When I got there, Dr. Stone said the nurse could hear in my voice how badly I was wheezing. They did a spirometry test to measure my lung function (it's the one where you take a deep breath, and then blow out as hard and as fast as you can into a tube). Well, turns out that my lung function was only 42% of normal.

Dr. Stone said it's the worst result I've ever had on one of those tests. 

In fact, he turned to the young resident doctor accompanying him today and said, "This says to me that her lung function has been deteriorating for a while. If she'd had normal function up until today and you flipped a switch and turned it down to only 42%, she wouldn't have been able to walk in here or talk without gasping for air. She's obviously been compensating for reduced function for a while so didn't notice until it got really bad." He gave me two breathing treatments and a large dose of prednisone on the spot and made me take two more spirometry readings before he was satisfied that I was okay and let me leave. He said I could easily have ended up in the hospital. 

He's putting me back on some stronger asthma meds (that I had discontinued last year), two weeks of prednisone, and an antibiotic just to cover all the bases. He wants to see me back in three months and said to come immediately if I had any more exacerbations in the meantime. He also said that I probably had never really recovered completely from being sick last month. My regular doctor had seen me and just gave me three days' worth of prednisone since my only real symptom had been congestion and wheezing. (I had tested negative for Covid, strep, and flu so she thought it was a regular cold). In the future, I'll go see Dr. Stone for any issues like that, since a GP obviously isn't an asthma specialist and isn't the right doctor to see in those circumstances. I asked today if I needed a flu and/or Covid test; he said that if it's flu (unlikely) that I've had symptoms for several days and Tamiflu wouldn't work now anyway, and that I could take an at-home Covid test if I was curious, but that there wasn't much they could do about that but treat the symptoms, which we're already doing. He thinks it's more likely that my asthma is not well controlled these days and the slightest cold is pushing me to the brink. I think he's right about that.

You know, I've been feeling low-key bad for weeks (if not months) now. I wake up exhausted, I'm tired all the time, sometimes I have brain fog...no wonder! I'm not breathing well! For the longest time I've been looking at myself in the mirror in the morning thinking, "I look awful. My color is bad; I have bags and dark circles under my eyes. I guess my age is catching up to me. I guess this is just what I look like in the morning now" and just feeling awful about myself. Well, my age may be catching up to me a little, but the bags and dark circles and pale blotchy skin probably has more to do with a lack of oxygen more than my age. I hope so, anyway. 

I went back by work to close out the day's deposit, then left early. I've been at home since hoping to get a nap, but I can't (probably due to the prednisone) but I'm breathing a little easier at least. 

God, what a week. Thank you all for the supportive comments on my last post.

Not again!

I'm sick again. The little vectors are really doing me in this year. It's only early September, ffs!

I'm seriously considering going back to wearing a mask at work. This is ridiculous. 

Ugh. 

Mrs. Blow

We're less than six weeks into the new school year, and already it's been a doozy. I've never seen so many angry, disrespectful, and frankly, unbalanced parents before. It's like a whole year's worth of adult crazy has already unfolded around us in less than six weeks. The administration and the front office staff have been really stressed out. We joked on Friday that maybe it's the upcoming full moon making people act so wild!

I still love my job, though. One of the best parts is early in the morning when all my little friends stop by the office to say hello to me. Without really trying, I've become pals with around a half dozen kids who all go out of their way to come see me, give me hugs, and talk to me. I just adore them. 

One little girl (a first grader and the daughter of one of our teachers) is especially sweet and one of my favorites. She's also kind of shy. Thursday morning while her mama was clocking in at the office computer, she came over to say hi and give me the customary morning hug. Afterwards, she stood there, hesitating, and I could see she wanted something. Her mama prompted, "Go ahead. Ask her. It's okay." Then little A., very nervous, whispered, "Um...would you like...would you like to buy some popcorn...to help my dance class?" 

Turns out her little ballet class is doing a popcorn fundraiser where they sell big tins of flavored popcorn to raise money. I was the first person A had asked, and she was scared. It was so freakin' cute! How could I say no? :) Later in the day her mom texted me a link to an online catalog, and I went ahead and made a purchase, and then promptly forgot about it. 

The rest of my day after that was utter crap. I kept running up against deadlines and obstacles at every turn, and to cap off the day my bank deposit was off. I ended up going back to work when I was supposed to be done for the day, to figure out where the deposit problem was. I was on the phone with an accountant at the district office, getting more and more stressed out, when little A. appeared at my office door. As soon as I was off the phone, she gave me a big hug, thanked me for buying popcorn, and handed me this sweet card she'd made for me. 

That made the whole day better for Mrs. Blow!

Girl gone wild!

 Here's a little short video I took of Poppy this weekend. She was beside the banana plants, behind the fence, and acting so playful that I had to whip out my phone and film it. She's such a happy girl. Just look at those doggy grins!

PS..that's George barking in the background, from the porch.

Feels like fall

September has arrived with gorgeous fall weather. It's been cooler than normal for this time of year, and it feels amazing outside. And since today is Labor Day, it's been a day off. 

Lovely.

This is the way

Here's a great article I came across this morning about Gavin Newson's brilliant (in my opinion) way of handling DT. This is how you defeat bullies. This is how to ultimately bring them down. 

 The Psychology of Trolling a Tyrant: Why Gavin Newsom Has Trump’s Number

By Jack Hopkins

If you’re still waiting for Democrats to grow a spine…look no further than California’s slick-haired governor…Gavin Newsom.

Now…before you roll your eyes…mutter something about French Laundry dinners or California crime rates…let me tell you why you need to pay attention.

Because in the high-stakes game of psychological warfare…optics…and manipulation…Newsom is the only Democrat who has cracked the code for getting under Donald Trump’s skin. And he isn’t just poking the bear…he’s making the bear dance.

The stakes aren’t about policy white papers or which candidate can rattle off the most bullet points on CNN. This is about who can win the mental war. Who can dominate the frame. Who can drive the other man insane under the hot lights of the biggest stage in the world.

And right now…Newsom is showing he’s the one guy in American politics who can step into the Thunderdome with Trump and make him look like the clown he is.

I know what you’re thinking.

“But Jack… Newsom has baggage. He’s too polished. Too coastal. Too California.”

Fair. But let’s not kid ourselves. Every candidate has flaws.

Biden’s age. Harris’s stiff style. Bernie’s socialist baggage. Even Obama had the “aloof professor” rap.

Flaws…are the tax of entry.

They don’t disqualify you unless they define you. And Newsom’s flaws don’t define him. What defines him is that he’s the first Democrat in 20 years to look Trump straight in the eye and smirk. Not lecture. Not fumble. Not cower. Smirk.

Because here’s the dirty secret of bullies: They can dish it out…but they can’t take it.

And Newsom knows it.

The Psychological Breakdown

Here’s where I step out of the consultant role and put on my behavioral expert and psy-ops hat.

Let’s break down why Newsom’s trolling works so damn well.

1. Trump’s Narcissistic Fragility

Trump is a textbook narcissist. Grandiosity on the outside…but brittle as glass on the inside. When someone challenges his dominance without playing his game…it destabilizes him.

Newsom doesn’t argue with Trump on Trump’s terms. He doesn’t moralize or rage. He needles. He mocks. He mirrors Trump’s energy…then flips it back with a sly grin. It’s like aikido for the ego.

Trump expects fear. Newsom gives him laughter. And nothing enrages a narcissist more than being laughed at.

2. The Frame War

Politics isn’t a debate club…it’s a frame war. Whoever controls the frame controls perception.

Trump usually controls it by branding his opponents (“Crooked Hillary,” “Sleepy Joe,” “Little Marco”). But Newsom doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look wounded when Trump attacks…he looks amused. And when he smiles that California smile and tosses a barb right back…he steals the frame.

That smile says: “You’re not the alpha here. I am.”

3. Psy-Ops 101: Control the Battlefield

In psy-ops…you never fight the enemy where they’re strong. You lure them to where they’re weak.

Trump’s strength is in bluster and dominance. His weakness? Insecurity about his image. Newsom exploits this brilliantly…mocking Trump’s looks…his insecurities…his desperation. It’s not “presidential,” but it’s devastatingly effective.

When Newsom quips…he’s not just talking to voters. He’s inserting himself into Trump’s head rent-free. He’s making Trump waste precious bandwidth thinking about him.

4. The Group Dynamics Angle

Social psychology tells us: groups rally around leaders who look strong…calm…and confident under pressure.

Newsom…with his movie-star looks and smooth delivery…projects exactly that. When he goes toe-to-toe with Trump…he makes Trump look like the sweaty…flailing uncle at Thanksgiving.

And remember: perception is reality.

Why It’s Working

Let’s be blunt: Trump is rattled.

You can see it in his reactions. The rage posts. The extra insults. The way he breaks his usual script when talking about Newsom. That’s not control. That’s reactivity.

And in politics…reactivity is weakness. It’s prey behavior.

Voters don’t consciously parse this…but they feel it. When they see Trump barking and Newsom smirking…they instinctively sense who’s in charge of the exchange.

This is why trolling matters.

Not because it’s “nice” or “fair,” but because it signals dominance. And dominance is the real currency of politics in the Trump era.

This is exactly why…on occasion…on social media…I will cut a troll to ribbons. It’s not so much for them…as it is for other trolls who see it.

I do it in a way that humiliates and makes the troll appear ignorant. Even faceless trolls hate how that feels. As a result…I have fewer trolls than most larger accounts. This holds true on X…as well.

Newsom does it…and I do it…because it’s effective…when used strategically.

Why Newsom Is The Person to Beat Trump

Now let’s deal with the elephant in the room.

Is Newsom perfect? Hell no. He’s a walking opposition research file. He’s got ties… flaws…hypocrisies…the works.

But here’s the raw truth: defeating Trump won’t come from perfection. It’ll come from mastery of the psychological battlefield.

And Newsom’s the only Democrat who’s demonstrated that mastery.

Biden beat Trump once…but that was pre-insurrection…pre-indictments…pre-Epstein files…pre-authoritarian power grab. The game has escalated.

I’ve studied the assessments that have been done on the big players, as well as conducting my own.

You may not like what you see in a moment. You may disagree. However…behind closed doors…the people who drill down on this stuff…come to similar conclusions:

Harris? Too stiff. Too reactive.

Whitmer? Strong on policy…but untested in trench warfare.

Buttigieg? Brilliant debater…but comes off too clinical.

Keep in mind…that personally…I like all of the above. However…doesn’t factor in when I’m doing my assessment. For most of the “big dog” folks behind the scenes…it doesn’t matter much to them…either.

Newsom? He enjoys the fight. He relishes the mind games. He doesn’t just respond…he plays offense.

That’s the edge. That’s why…regardless of your reservations…he’s the one person who can meet Trump in the mud…get dirty…and still walk out looking clean.

What Now?

So what do we do with this?

If you’re serious about saving democracy…you stop searching for a flawless savior. You start looking for a warrior who can fight on the terrain the enemy has chosen.

Trump’s battlefield is trolling…branding…and psychological warfare. Newsom is showing he can not only fight there…he can win there.

And that changes the entire 2026–2028 landscape.

What Are Elections?

Let me wrap this up with the blunt Jack Hopkins truth:

Elections aren’t beauty pageants. They’re street fights. And in a street fight…you don’t want the guy who looks good on paper…you want the person who can bloody the bully’s nose.

Gavin Newsom…slick…smirking…flawed Gavin Newsom…is that guy.

So if you’re tired of watching Democrats bring a white paper to a knife fight…you better start paying attention. Because for the first time in a long time…we’ve got a fighter who actually enjoys the brawl.

And that…my friends…is how you beat Donald Trump at his own game.

Weekends

I wish the weekends didn't go by so fast. It seems like a blink between leaving work on Friday afternoon and going to bed on Sunday night. I can't wait for the long Labor Day weekend coming up.

Are there any other Dexter fans out there? I've been watching the new Dexter Resurrection and it's so good! * At first only getting to watch a new episode once a week bothered me (if I like a show, I'll binge watch given the chance) but it's become something to look forward to on Friday nights. We have pizza for dinner and then I have a drink or two to unwind while watching the return of one of my all-time favorite shows. The only bad part is there's only 3 episodes left, and I'll be sad when it's done. It's lots of fun!

Yesterday morning I met up with Marla for brunch. We do that once or twice a month, and it's also something to look forward to. There's a place in town that makes really good Eggs Benedict, and that's usually where we go. This time she brought Carsen with her, since her husband was busy with something out of town. She's growing up fast, and is a real cutie.

When we were leaving, I said, "Thanks for coming to breakfast with us, Carsen!" and she replied (with a cheeky grin) "It was my only option." haha!

*This new series is so well written, it reminds me of the first several seasons of the original. Peter Dinklage, Uma Thurmond, and Neil Patrick Harris are all guest stars, David Zayas is back as Angel Batista, and Michael C. Hall is amazing as usual. 

A step too far

What a week this is turning out to be. I'm still not feeling my best thanks to the lingering effects of this virus (or whatever it is) that I've had. Mostly I've just been very tired, but my mood has been pretty low, too. 

This morning in an effort to cheer myself up, I decided to check my upcoming direct deposit paycheck stub. It's going to be my first paycheck after getting a raise and a "step" * increase for the year, and I was eager to see how much of a difference it would make. I'd already made plans to squirrel the extra cash from each paycheck away to help save for a trip we're planning next spring.

Well, imagine my surprise when I pulled up Friday's paycheck information...and my net pay for two weeks was actually five dollars less than before. I mean, what the actual f*ck?!!!!!

After I rubbed my eyes a couple of times to make sure I wasn't seeing things, I looked a little closer, and it quickly became apparent what had happened. And I can't even be mad about it.

You see, one of the benefits our district offers is that they cover the cost of health insurance for lower earning employees and their families. There's a salary scale that pays 100% of the cost up to a certain number, then 50%, then 0. At my last school, my insurance was covered completely. Then when I transferred to my current school and position three years ago, I got a pretty good raise--even taking into account that that bumped me up to paying 50% of the cost. And now after a couple more salary increases, I'm finally on the hook for the full cost of the coverage. It's eaten up all of this year's gain.

I'm very, very grateful for the years of free medical insurance, and I don't really mind paying up now that I'm making more money. My salary has doubled from when I started eight years ago, and the state employee insurance rates are very reasonable. I have no reason to complain, and I won't.

But it was really disappointing at first.

*A "step" increase is the extra pay you get from each additional year of service.

This time of year

It's become something of a back-to-school tradition: the children return from summer break, and a week or so later I get sick. 

The kids came back two weeks ago, and seven days later I started to feel poorly. Sneezing, itchy throat, a burning in my chest. By that night I was coughing and aching all over, and my asthma began to flare. I ended up missing two and a half days of work last week and having to see the doctor. I'm still not 100% but definitely on the mend.

Yesterday a more recent back-to-school tradition took place: I had to go for jury selection. This has happened for the last three Augusts since I transferred to my current school. After missing half of last week, I hated to miss yet another day of work, but jury duty isn't negotiable. I'm just grateful that I didn't get selected, because they pulled jurors for cases for four hours. Almost everyone in the room got chosen for a case or two, so I guess I lucked out. 

This morning I'm finally back to work. Hopefully there won't be any further interruptions for awhile, because I have a lot of catching up to do.

Spoonerisms

 Just for fun. 

Good weather, lucky find

The weather this weekend has been wonderful. Friday saw the arrival of a cold front that blew away the "heat dome" that made July so miserable, and the air has been delightfully cool and dry since. The highs are only around 80F (26C) and the lows are in the mid-60s (18C) at night. According to all the forecasts, we're due for a full week of this reprieve. I sure hope they're right! It's actually been nice to go outside, and a few rain showers have made everything seem green and fresh again. 

Yesterday I went to Tractor Supply to buy dog food, and I noticed a shipment of trees off to one side of the parking lot. On closer inspection, I saw that they were young Crepe Myrtles, and wouldn't you know it, they had the "Muskogee" variety that we've been talking about planting beside the driveway. We already have five of them down the property line on the other side of the house, and we've been saying for months now that three more would be perfect. Not only did Tractor Supply have the variety we wanted, but they had exactly three! They were all sizeable, healthy, and an absolute bargain at $19.99.

Of course, they came home with me. How could I resist?

Since today was cool and overcast and that's supposed to continue for the next week, we went ahead and planted them this afternoon. Finding the trees was a lucky break, but so is the perfect weather for transplanting them--in August, no less! 

Today

There's a large spiderweb outside our bathroom window. It stretches from the edge of the roof over to one of the Crepe Myrtle trees beside the house. The trees are currently in bloom, so when the wind blows the lavender-pink flowers fly around and get stuck in the web. It's truly a work of art. I tried to take a picture, but my phone camera just wouldn't do it any justice.

Here's a close up of one of the blossoms. The flowers are so pretty, suspended in the intricate web. You'll just have to imagine.

I woke up this morning to an eerie looking sunrise. It cast a pinkish-orange glow in rooms with windows facing east, and when I stepped outside everything was awash in color and strange shadows. Once again, my camera doesn't do it justice.

Today would have been my dad's birthday. He would have been 72.

I don't remember this date bothering me too much last year (the first one after he died) but today was different. I'm okay, just kind of sad. No matter how busy I kept myself at work (and there was plenty to keep me busy) I just couldn't shake it. There was just this...heaviness. 

Delayed grief, maybe?

I'm beginning to realize I didn't get a chance to really mourn my dad when he first died. Things quickly got so bad with my mom and me that it kind of took over  And now that my mom and I have severed ties, it's like she's died. Recently I started to realize that all of a sudden (it feels all of a sudden) I went from having two parents to none. 

At first when my mom and I agreed we were "done" with each other, all I felt was relief. Things had gotten that bad. Now that I've had some time and some room to breathe, to process...some of the delayed/buried emotions are coming up. At least, I think that's what's happening. 

It's okay. I'm okay.

It's just been one of those tough days, you know? 

Heat Dome (or, some random circle of Hell)

This summer has been the worst I can ever remember for terrible heat. It's been truly awful, and there's no end in sight.

Okay, I know I complain about the heat every summer. It's just part of living in the Deep South this time of year. But. This is ridiculous, even for us. They say we're under a "Heat Dome".

From The Weather Channel's website:

What Is A Heat Dome? Explaining The Deadly Weather Pattern Behind America's Most Dangerous Summer Days

These expansive areas of sinking air can push temperatures up to 30 degrees above average during the summer while increasing the threat of heat illnesses.

They're known by many names: Heat dome. Ridge of high pressure. Death ridge. Blocking high.

But do you really know what these are and why they can produce deadly weather?

These expansive bulges of warm air can stretch for 1,000 miles during the spring and summer months and provide sinking air over much of the country.

It's that sinking air that is often problematic.

Descending air compresses and warms as it drops closer to the surface. Temperatures can often reach the century mark in the eastern two-thirds of the United States. In the West, these death ridges can push temperatures into the 110s and 120s in the desert.

Days-long heat waves are often the result.

This sinking, warm air also dries out the ground and the air above it. Thunderstorms have a tough time sprouting due to the suppressive motion of the air. Drought can begin or worsen under ridges of high pressure that last for longer than a week. The air directly under such a system can become still with little to no wind.

During the middle of the summer, this can become a vicious cycle of warming and drying.

These domes can strengthen and expand during this cycle until something comes along to push the high-pressure system elsewhere.

Heat is the No. 1 weather killer in the U.S., with hundreds of fatalities each year. Many of these fatalities occur under heat domes.

We've had weeks on end of daily temperatures reaching up to around 100 degrees (37C) with the heat index "real feel" of up to 112 (44C). With the humidity factored in, it's hellish. There's just no other word for it. And there's been little to no rain. Even the nights are unbearably hot. We've been under extreme heat warnings every day since the beginning of the month, and we have a least another full week to go. 

I can't tell you how much I've grown to despise summer!