Back to the grind

Well, I got a new phone late last week after dropping mine in the goldfish container pond. What a hassle! None of my contacts (or photos, which hurts) were recoverable from the drowned phone, no matter what the nice young guy at the Verizon store tried. On the bright side, I was still able to trade it in for a good discount on the new phone. Gregg went ahead and traded his in for a new model, too. He'd been having charging issues for a while, so when I killed mine off it seemed like the logical time to replace them both. It seems like a luxury to have the very latest model of our phones. We're not given to buying stuff for ourselves just purely for enjoyment. 

I had a dental appointment yesterday. I need a crown (and possibly a root canal) asap. I knew it was coming, but I still hate it. I had to put down a hefty deposit to book the initial appointment, which will be November 3 (if the tooth doesn't fall apart before then). It had a huge filling from long ago that got decay underneath, and while it doesn't hurt, apparently it's pretty fragile. Sigh. I've had so much dental work, and it never seems to last long term, no matter what. The woman cleaning my teeth made me feel so much worse when she informed me that even zero sugar sodas (the only kind I drink) have citric acid that wears away tooth enamel and contributes to cavities and decay. Sugar, of course, is a non-starter. And then it was with the high-fluoride toothpastes...and mouth rinses...and always rinsing/brushing after every soda or coffee... and on and on and on.  It was so discouraging when I'm already upset about the uncomfortable work to come plus an $800 out of pocket expense after my dental insurance pays. I hate the dentist and I hate their bills even more.

Work has been super busy. Our annual fall festival and costume parade is coming up next week, and that means loads of money coming in for tickets, requisitions to pay for all the supplies and vendors, contacting payroll to arrange for overtime for custodians, arranging for transportation for the high school bands and cheerleaders that lead the parade, plus all my other regular duties. This first week back from fall break has been hectic and I'm already tired. 

Thankfully, today's Friday and I have the weekend to look forward to.

Book club, corn dollies, and a phone fail

On Sunday I hosted a book club party for my friends Marla and Martina. I'd been planning this little get together for months now, and it wasn't anything like I expected, but still fun. 

The book I chose was Harvest Home by Thomas Tryon. It's an American folk horror novel from the early 70s that I stumbled across as a pre-teen in my small town's limited public library. It's appropriately creepy for this time of year. 

In addition to chicken corn chowder, I served a charcuterie board for my friends to enjoy.

I also attempted to bake an apple pie and pumpkin bars with brown sugar icing. Both ended in failure. I got the spices in the pie wrong, and it was all but inedible. As for the pumpkin bars...I meant to double the recipe because of the large can of pumpkin puree I wanted to use up, but I failed to double the amount of baking soda and sugar and what I ended up with was a flat, bland mess. I threw it in the garbage along with the pie and went to the grocery store at the last minute and bought desserts to share instead. Oh, well.

When Marla showed up, she was not happy with her husband. He was out of town helping a friend with something, and he didn't make it back in time to watch their daughter, so Carsen had to come along. Fortunately, I'd had the idea to do a craft related to the book, and Carsen really had a good time participating. We made traditional corn husk dolls! Carsen put googly eyes on hers, and I thought it turned out really cute!

Martina's doll turned out really pretty, with rosebuds and marigold flowers hot-glued on.

I didn't get a separate picture of the doll I made (and couldn't for reasons I'll explain in a minute) but here's the four dolls arranged all together out on the back porch. Mine is on the far right.

And here's mine and Martina's after Marla and Carsen had left.

Right after I took these photos, I accidently dropped my phone into the container pond on the back porch. Arrrgggh!!!!!!!!!!! I also dropped a massive F-bomb in front of Carsen when I did it. 

I snatched the phone out of the water, and for a while everything seemed to work normally, which is how I got these photos saved, but by the next morning my phone was dead. No amount of rice is working, either. That's everyone's first suggestion, to cover it in rice to absorb the moisture, but it's been no good. I have to get a new phone. Luckily, I'm on fall break this week and I plan to take care of that tomorrow. It's really weird to be without a phone, though, even if it's just for a few days. On the bright side, my phone was really old and getting glitchy, so I guess this is a perfect excuse to upgrade. 

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So that's how my fall break is going! 

Eighteen!

 This beautiful boy turned 18 years old last month. How time does fly.

Fall Bucket List

 

Personal day

Last Wednesday was a really nice day for me. 

I took a personal day off work and drove to Aiken, SC (about two hours west of Florence) to have lunch with my aunt Linda. Aunt Linda is my dad's older sister, and his only living sibling. 

I really didn't have much contact with my dad's family growing up. My mother hated and resented them her whole life and made sure no one could have relationships with them. It was all very toxic and awful, as I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyway, now that my dad is dead, and my mother and I have cut ties, I've reached out to my aunt once or twice and she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. Back in the summer I'd found some information about my Polish great grandparents online that I wanted to share with her, so we started planning to meet. It turned out that she has all sorts of family history documents, one of which is the ship manifest from 1906 when my great grandfather, Pawel Czmiel, came to Ellis Island at the age of 17. She made me copies of everything: the ship manifest, naturalization applications, family baptism records, my grandfather's WWII military documents, and on and on. It was wonderful! We met up at a restaurant with outdoor seating (the weather was nice) and sat and talked for over four hours. My aunt was so kind to me, and so welcoming, and I look forward to building a relationship with her going forward. It's nice to feel like I still have some family left in this world, and learning more about my dad's relatives means a lot to me.

Thought for today

Go slowly, go gently.

Rise up, yes -

but rise gently,

You are not a machine to be driven

nor a thing to be forced into labour,

You are a soul

fragile and luminous,

finding its way through a world

that can be both wondrous and merciless.

Go slowly, go gently -

Give yourself a break

you are doing your best,

Even on the days when your best

feels like little more than survival,

Let compassion fall inward

toward your own heart

the way you would soothe a friend

whose strength was faltering.

Go slowly, go gently -

Life can be cruel enough

do not add your own hand to the lash,

Let your tenderness meet your tiredness

and may you rest in the truth

that you are already enough.

Go slowly, go gently -

All that needs to be done will be done

time is not your master,

nor are the demands

nor judgements of others

the measure of your worth,

Do not rush yourself

into an early grave

by carrying the calendars of strangers

upon your back.

Go slowly, go gently -

trust the rhythm of your own days,

What is meant to be finished

will find its way through your hands,

And may you come to know

with a quiet certainty

that your life is not a race, a test, a goal, nor can your worth be measured in transactions,

Your life is an astounding sacred unfolding

and it is the only one you have.

So, go slowly, go gently.

- Conchobhar Ó Súilleabháin.

Sicker than I thought

 By the time I woke up this morning, the congestion had spread to my chest, and I was wheezing badly and short of breath. Otherwise, I felt ok, no fever or anything, so I went to work but called my allergist as soon as the office opened. The nurse (bless her!) said, "Hold on a minute, let me go talk to Dr. Stone" and when she came back said, "Can you be here at 10:00?" I said sure and told my principal I needed to leave for a little while to go to the doctor. 

When I got there, Dr. Stone said the nurse could hear in my voice how badly I was wheezing. They did a spirometry test to measure my lung function (it's the one where you take a deep breath, and then blow out as hard and as fast as you can into a tube). Well, turns out that my lung function was only 42% of normal.

Dr. Stone said it's the worst result I've ever had on one of those tests. 

In fact, he turned to the young resident doctor accompanying him today and said, "This says to me that her lung function has been deteriorating for a while. If she'd had normal function up until today and you flipped a switch and turned it down to only 42%, she wouldn't have been able to walk in here or talk without gasping for air. She's obviously been compensating for reduced function for a while so didn't notice until it got really bad." He gave me two breathing treatments and a large dose of prednisone on the spot and made me take two more spirometry readings before he was satisfied that I was okay and let me leave. He said I could easily have ended up in the hospital. 

He's putting me back on some stronger asthma meds (that I had discontinued last year), two weeks of prednisone, and an antibiotic just to cover all the bases. He wants to see me back in three months and said to come immediately if I had any more exacerbations in the meantime. He also said that I probably had never really recovered completely from being sick last month. My regular doctor had seen me and just gave me three days' worth of prednisone since my only real symptom had been congestion and wheezing. (I had tested negative for Covid, strep, and flu so she thought it was a regular cold). In the future, I'll go see Dr. Stone for any issues like that, since a GP obviously isn't an asthma specialist and isn't the right doctor to see in those circumstances. I asked today if I needed a flu and/or Covid test; he said that if it's flu (unlikely) that I've had symptoms for several days and Tamiflu wouldn't work now anyway, and that I could take an at-home Covid test if I was curious, but that there wasn't much they could do about that but treat the symptoms, which we're already doing. He thinks it's more likely that my asthma is not well controlled these days and the slightest cold is pushing me to the brink. I think he's right about that.

You know, I've been feeling low-key bad for weeks (if not months) now. I wake up exhausted, I'm tired all the time, sometimes I have brain fog...no wonder! I'm not breathing well! For the longest time I've been looking at myself in the mirror in the morning thinking, "I look awful. My color is bad; I have bags and dark circles under my eyes. I guess my age is catching up to me. I guess this is just what I look like in the morning now" and just feeling awful about myself. Well, my age may be catching up to me a little, but the bags and dark circles and pale blotchy skin probably has more to do with a lack of oxygen more than my age. I hope so, anyway. 

I went back by work to close out the day's deposit, then left early. I've been at home since hoping to get a nap, but I can't (probably due to the prednisone) but I'm breathing a little easier at least. 

God, what a week. Thank you all for the supportive comments on my last post.

Not again!

I'm sick again. The little vectors are really doing me in this year. It's only early September, ffs!

I'm seriously considering going back to wearing a mask at work. This is ridiculous. 

Ugh.