Depression

Easter was a melancholy day here despite nice weather and a day off work. Gregg has been dealing with some depression and anxiety, which is common in people who have finished cancer treatment. Depression is also a relatively common side effect of a drug he still has to take, a nerve pain blocker. The oncologist wants him to continue taking it for awhile yet, as he still has pain and odd sensations (peripheral neuropathy) in his surgery site a full year after finishing treatment. Chemotherapy is rough. Especially when it's administered six weeks after a lung has been removed!

I thought, when all the treatments were over and Gregg got a clean bill of health, that life would go right back to normal. How wrong I was! I had no idea what an emotional roller coaster we were still in for. The fear of the cancer coming back that we both live with is the worst part. And although every three month follow up with the oncologist so far has resulted in a glowing bill of health, the appointments are constant reminders that all it will take is for one small shadow to show up on a scan, or for one of the blood tests to come back with an abnormal result, and we'd be plunged right back into the nightmare that last year was.

Knowing how grim lung cancer normally is doesn't help, either. A man that went to church with my mom was diagnosed about two weeks after Gregg--and he died last month. When she told me about that, it was like getting stabbed in the heart. Of course, I know that the statistics for lung cancer are downright dismal compared to other forms. The pulmonary specialist  (a close personal friend of ours that we are lucky to have) has assured us that Gregg is doing wonderfully well, and if he continues to have great checkups for another year or two that he will likely be considered cured. His current good health is almost miraculous, and I'm grateful beyond words for it, but one's sense of confidence about the future can never be fully restored after the kind of ordeal we've been through. The best you can do is take things one day at a time and learn to get on with your life despite the ever-present nagging fear. But there are days and weeks when that's easier said than done, and this week has been one of the rough ones.

May wrap up

It's Memorial Day, and as I type this fireworks are going off in the distance outside my office window. There is a pretty pink sunset going on out there, too, and a wide eyed parrot sitting on my shoulder watching the show. He watches the sunset from his office perch most afternoons, but he doesn't know what to make of fireworks. He's staying close to mom (just in case!) but he's mostly just curious. Ginger, on the other hand, is terrified. She is in a corner of the laundry room, refusing to come out or eat dinner. Fireworks are not her thing!

I had every intention to blog more in May, but it's been another stressful couple of weeks. GB continues to deal with side effects from chemotherapy even though his last treatment was a month ago. He's had a great deal of nerve pain (peripheral neuropathy) around his rib cage where his incision was, which is not only painful but makes breathing difficult. He is slightly anemic, which makes him even more short of breath, and is altogether physically weak and run down. A couple of days ago he threw up several times, out of the blue, for no apparent reason. Every day seems to bring something new, and not in a good way. It's been discouraging that he's still so sick this long after the end of chemotherapy. I suppose one month really isn't very long, come to think of it.

Through all these long months of treating the cancer, we were just sure that once we got to this point in the year (early summer) he would be almost back to normal. Just goes to show how little we understood what was about to happen. So we're trudging along here, trying to keep life moving along as smoothly as possible when one partner has a serious illness. Free time to blog has not been available very often, what with a full time job, a sick person needing care, and housework/yard work/pet care being top priorities.

So that was our May--difficult, tiring, and somewhat disappointing. Thank goodness a new month is just around the corner. I'm counting on June to be better!

Hunger Games, the lost art of letter writing, and other assorted random tidbits

So was that the longest blog title ever, or what?

Updates from my life lately:

The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins is, to quote a recent facebook post of mine, like juicy literary sugar coated crack! I resisted reading these "kid" books for quite a while.  I mean, honestly... I am a woman in my mid thirties! Even though I worked in a bookstore, even though they sold like hotcakes, even though several adults said they were very good...I felt above all that.  Then the movie came out, and I saw all the awesome movie photos in the entertainment mags at work, then a coworker (my age exactly, by the way) challenged me to read just thirty pages...then I could quit if I wanted to without any further words from her.  So I took her up on it.  I read the 30 pages on my lunch break that afternoon...and 4 days later, I had read all three books. Oh, the shame. I kind of hate admitting it to the blog. Especially since it seems kind of warped to say that not only do you like kids books, but you like books about kids being forced to murder each other for food.  Nice!


Next up: I have decided to stop buying so many cards for people (it's expensive!) and start sending handwritten letters instead. I bought some pretty stationary, and new multi colored pens, and a book of stamps. I sent the first one to my mother in law. She has been especially kind and thoughtful to me recently, and I wanted to let her know. I hope she enjoys getting a real, honest-to-goodness letter in the mail! I haven't gotten one of those since high school. These days, with the prevalence of text messaging and facebooking etc etc..I wonder how many kids (and adults) write letters anymore?  I'm willing to bet not many. That was a really nice thing about growing up in the 80's and early 90's...my friends and I (especially when some of them either moved away or went off to school) would write real letters back and forth. And I still have handwritten love letters from boyfriends, and notes from relatives and teachers, and then there were a few (short term) grade school pen pals..those were good days.  I am looking forward to writing some real letters again and sending them to the people I love!

Last, but not least:  As Gregg is slowly finishing up chemotherapy (one more treatment to go, then he is done!!) I have been looking for ways to cheer him up. He has not been able to go back to work yet, and he spends a lot of time at home alone when I'm working.  I know he is lonely, and sick, and isolated.  We have hung several bird feeders in the backyard now that the weather is so nice. I believe it's really, really good for someone recovering from a serious illness to spend plenty of time outdoors in the sunshine and fresh air. He loves sitting on the back patio and watching the birds and squirrels eat the abundance of seeds, nuts, suet, and cracked corn we leave for them.  Ginger always keeps him company, and usually can be found lying at his feet, keeping a close eye on the squirrels.

The mighty squirrel stalker!

Ginger hates having her picture taken.
Normally she is a dog that smiles a lot.

In the spirit of brightening up our patio for Gregg, I bought several pots of gerbera daisies and planted them in a large planter. They are mixed colors: brick red, orange, and yellow. He really likes gerberas for some reason, they may even be his favorite flowers, so a big bright potful of them made him smile! I would love to post pictures of our beautiful new flowers but the cord on my camera's battery charger is chewed almost in half.  Guess who would be responsible for that?

Marco T. Barlow

The last time Marco chewed a cord up (on my bread machine) my neighbor John was able to replace the cord for me and it was as good as new. It looks like I may be going to see him one day in the near future.  Aggravating bird!!!

Have a great weekend, everyone!