Just a Wednesday

 There's been precious little sunshine in my part of the world lately. Every day has been chilly, damp, and gray with only the occasional bit of sunshine peeking through the leaden clouds. I wish we'd get some snow. It's been three years since we've had any, and we've yet to see it happen in the new house. I've been dreaming of sitting by the fireplace sipping wine with snow falling outside the window since we moved in. Oh, well...the winter's not over yet, I suppose.

This afternoon between work calls and emails I took George outside for a quick walk around the neighborhood. About halfway through I noticed turkey vultures circling around a yard, and saw what looked like something small with brown and white fur lying in the dead grass of my neighbor's yard. A squirrel? A rabbit? Not  sure, and I averted my eyes because I really didn't want to know. Then when we rounded the next corner I saw more and more vultures showing up, and eventually counted 13 of them. Thirteen vultures seemed like a bad omen, so I hurried into the house and shut the door. I can't imagine why there would be so many of them for a single squirrel or rabbit or (god forbid) a cat. Maybe there are other dead things around. Turkey vultures will never make anyone's top ten list of favorite birds, but they provide a valuable clean up service and I respect that. I just don't care to watch them at work.

Speaking of birds, Neil mentioned American robins vs. English robins yesterday. When I went out later in the afternoon to pick up a few things at the grocery store the trees around our house were full of robins. A large flock of them seem to be moving through the neighborhood this week. Our yard teems with good juicy earthworms so it's probably like a robin's buffet after rain forces the worms up to the surface of the dirt!

 I was out back today thinking about where to put a bluebird box we've been saving for a few years, since my late mother-in-law gave it to us as a Christmas gift some years ago. She loved feeding wild birds and she and her husband kept several bluebird nesting boxes at their home in Raleigh, NC. I wish she could visit our home....not only would she love the house itself, but she would really love all the birds and animals we see here. I miss her. Even though she's been gone for three years I can't really write about her too much, yet. I spoke to her husband a while ago. He's in his eighties but seems a good bit younger. I like to call him once a month or so, just to check in and to let him know that we haven't forgotten him. He doesn't feed birds or maintain nesting boxes now that Edythe's gone, it was really always more her thing than his, but despite Covid restrictions (which he's been observing very strictly) he manages to have a full and busy life. He loves the internet and technology and is far more tech-savvy than I am, probably. He regularly has Zoom meetings with his "old geezer" friends to talk politics and eat meals together (but apart). He also takes part in a virtual version of a group that call themselves "Pints for Presbyterians". That's men in his church that meet up at a pub once a week (with the pastor!) to have beer and conversion. They've moved it to Zoom for the duration of Covid, and I'm sure they're all looking forward to getting vaccines so they can resume their in person meetings this year! Lou is a gem. My mother in law picked a good man to be her husband for the last 20 years of her life! We respect him a lot because of how tenderly he cared for Edythe when she was dying, and also because he's a smart and interesting guy. He liked hearing about how we'd be putting up the bluebird box she gave us soon (and finally!)

So that's it for my gray Wednesday afternoon in Florence, SC. Working from home, wishing for snow, missing my MIL. 

What's today been like for you?

Family time

Next week should be interesting, and possibly a little bit stressful. My mother in law is coming for an extended visit. As in, at least a week and possibly more. God help me!

Don't get me wrong: she's a lovely woman, and dear to us. We've been trying to arrange a long visit for months now. I'm glad she's coming, just a bit overwhelmed at the thought. The truth is, she's almost 80 years old, and beginning to slip a bit mentally. Her short term memory has been getting progressively worse for the past year or two. She gets confused easily and often forgets names, or words she means to use, or what she just told you 10 minutes ago. Physically, she's in pretty good shape considering her age, but she clearly is in the early stages of some type of dementia. (The doctors say it's not Alzheimer's, thank goodness). Overall, her memory issues aren't that big of a deal at this point. It's just that it's too easy to let months (and years!) slip by without spending enough time together as a family and before you know it, it's too late. Hence the long visit we have planned.

She lives in Raleigh, NC with her husband. I will be going to get her tomorrow. It's a 2-3 hour drive, so we aren't comfortable with her driving herself down these days. (She does still drive a little bit, but I imagine that those days are numbered). Her husband will come get her when she's ready, that way everyone will only have to make the drive once. I'm looking forward to going to Raleigh; a friend is driving up with me, and we're going to take in some of the city's sights, then spend the night with my in laws. We'll drive back home with my guest Monday afternoon.

 Gregg is excited to see his mom. They've only spent a few odd hours together since he got over being sick, and it will be good for both of them. I must admit I'm a bit nervous. We've never had any guest stay at our house for a whole week. I dread the extra work involved (planning meals, cooking, thinking of things to do, etc. etc.) and, more than that, the lack of alone time for me. I'm one of those people that needs and thrives on a certain amount of solitude. I definitely have some mixed feelings about the visit.

Still, family time is more important than any minor inconvenience it may cause. I hope we can all have fun together. I've been working hard to come up with ideas for things to do while she's here. I've also been working hard at cleaning our house. For once in my life, you can eat off my floors. Ha! Behold the power of a mother-in-law visit!

Mother love

This summer I have been the recipient of lots of love and some pretty amazing gifts from my mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, and one of my (long deceased) great grandmothers. For the first time in years, maybe ever, I feel like a much-loved daughter. Gestures of affection and loving words have been somewhat rare in my relationships with the mother figures in my life, for various reasons, but this year during my husband's health crisis all that started to change. Maybe I am the one that has changed. It has always been somewhat difficult for me to accept help and support from my family, preferring always to be independant, self-sufficient, and (perceived to be) strong. Admitting I needed help, or even just some attention, has always been hard for me to do. In the past I preferred to keep my troubles to myself, but GB's illness changed all that. It became impossible to hold up emotionally without lots of support from our families, our friends, and especially our moms.

The first special gift I got was on our 5th wedding anniversary back in June. My sweet mother-in-law came to visit and during a private moment presented me with the wedding ring given to her by GB's father. Although they divorced when he was in high school (and both remarried) they remained good friends that were both deeply committed to their children. Unfortunately, GB's dad passed away (from cancer) before I had a chance to know him. I have been told that he was a wonderful dad, and his three children miss him terribly. My mother-in-law speaks fondly of him and their years together. She wanted me to have her wedding ring as a gesture of love from both of them with gratitude for "how good you've been to our son while he's been sick". I was deeply touched, and will cherish the ring forever, as well as the thought behind the gift.

The next gift came from my mom, and her grandmother, my great-grandmother Ella Turner Poston. She (my great-gran) was a family legend for her fiery temper and headstrong ways. She was outspoken, stubborn, and had strong opinions about people. Whenever any of the girls on that side of the family lose their temper or show a fierce independent streak, we say that's the "Ella" coming out in them. My mom, who took after her grandmother in temperament, was her favorite grandchild, and so when I was born I became her favorite great-grand. I remember her, actually. She passed away when I was 9 or 10 years old, although she was a very old woman and in a nursing home by the time I remember seeing her regularly. When I was a baby and toddler, she spent money regularly on fancy dresses for me to have my pictures taken in. She never paid much attention to my cousins, for some reason, but she showered me with attention.

So unknown to me, my Granny Poston had a ruby ring (her birthstone) that she loved when she was young. When she was middle aged, and a long time widow, she lost the ring. She had a gentleman friend who was a widower, and according to my mom he was "sweet on" her, although she would never agree to be anything other than friends. Anyway, he found out she had lost her ring, felt bad about it, and  rushed out to a little jeweler's shop and bought her a new one for her birthday. She was thrilled with it and wore it every day for the next 20 years or so. When she passed away, my mom inherited the ring. I never remember seeing it or hearing this story. Possibly a ruby ring doesn't mean much to a 10 year old, or possibly my mom put it right away for safe keeping and I never noticed, but for whatever reason, I had never heard the story

After my mother-in-law gave me her wedding ring, my mom remembered my granny's ruby ring that had been sitting in a jewelry box for the past 25 years or so. Then she remembered a verse in the bible (in proverbs) about a good wife being more precious than rubies, and she decided that I should have the ring. She said she was so impressed with how loving and patient I was with my husband this year, and how well I was (am) handling his illness, that she thought I deserved this ring. She said she also wanted me to remember, whenever I look at it, that she loves me, my grandmother loved me, and my great-grandmother also loved me. That I come from a long line of feisty, strong, independent women and I can handle any challenge that comes my way.

I intend to wear it forever, and to remember.

Tomorrow: something special from another grandmother, this time on my dad's side. I  am one lucky, loved woman.