Today

There's a large spiderweb outside our bathroom window. It stretches from the edge of the roof over to one of the Crepe Myrtle trees beside the house. The trees are currently in bloom, so when the wind blows the lavender-pink flowers fly around and get stuck in the web. It's truly a work of art. I tried to take a picture, but my phone camera just wouldn't do it any justice.

Here's a close up of one of the blossoms. The flowers are so pretty, suspended in the intricate web. You'll just have to imagine.

I woke up this morning to an eerie looking sunrise. It cast a pinkish-orange glow in rooms with windows facing east, and when I stepped outside everything was awash in color and strange shadows. Once again, my camera doesn't do it justice.

Today would have been my dad's birthday. He would have been 72.

I don't remember this date bothering me too much last year (the first one after he died) but today was different. I'm okay, just kind of sad. No matter how busy I kept myself at work (and there was plenty to keep me busy) I just couldn't shake it. There was just this...heaviness. 

Delayed grief, maybe?

I'm beginning to realize I didn't get a chance to really mourn my dad when he first died. Things quickly got so bad with my mom and me that it kind of took over  And now that my mom and I have severed ties, it's like she's died. Recently I started to realize that all of a sudden (it feels all of a sudden) I went from having two parents to none. 

At first when my mom and I agreed we were "done" with each other, all I felt was relief. Things had gotten that bad. Now that I've had some time and some room to breathe, to process...some of the delayed/buried emotions are coming up. At least, I think that's what's happening. 

It's okay. I'm okay.

It's just been one of those tough days, you know?