I have a big birthday coming up on Sunday...one of those years that end in an "0". It seems too crazy to possibly be true, but I'll be 50 years old!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about it, I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I've barely adjusted to thinking of myself as a forty-something and all of a sudden, I'm about to leave my 40s behind. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I'm sure it's like this for everyone, but whew!
I'd originally thought I'd have a big get-together to celebrate such a milestone, but it hasn't worked out. When I talked to Gregg about it, he asked if I'd mind keeping the party small because he's not feeling up to having a lot of people over and having to help host. He's got an oncology appointment looming next Monday where he'll get the results of a CT scan he had last week. This will determine how successful the radiation has been and whether he'll need further treatment or not. With this hanging over his head, he doesn't feel like any major entertaining, and truthfully, I don't either.
So instead, I'm having a small party on the back porch Saturday night with just two or three close friends. Marla and Martina, of course, and a new friend I've made at work, Meisha. Later in the evening I might text a couple of friendly neighbors and invite them to walk over and have a drink or a piece of cake. I plan to have some good food, good desserts, and a few different drink choices (alcoholic and non). I bought some pretty string lights for the porch, too. It should be fun, and not too stressful to pull off like a big party would be.
I do feel kind of sad that Gregg is the only family I'll have celebrating my birthday with me. My dad died just over a year ago, and I haven't been in contact with my mom since last summer. * I don't have siblings, although I love Gregg's. In fact, I invited his sister to come down on Saturday to spend the night and attend the party. I would love to have her (so would Gregg), but she thanked me for asking and then changed the subject. It kind of hurt my feelings, to be honest. Not because she's not coming, but because she didn't even seem to really consider it.
Of course, Marla and Martina are like sisters to me, and I have an abundance of friends. I have a really good marriage. I'm grateful for every bit of it, and I don't have any right to complain. I try not to. I don't always succeed.
These are just things I'm thinking about as I prepare to turn fifty.
* It's better that we're not in contact. It's been really hard coming to terms with that, but it's true. It's sad and hard and I wish things were different, but I've started to prioritize my own needs and my own well-being. It's past time that I did.
