A very grand birthday

There's a big family event coming up next week up in Raleigh, NC. My late mother-in-law's husband, Lou, is turning 90 years old! His son and daughter have planned a large party to celebrate and of course we were invited. You'd never guess he's ninety years old. While naturally he's slowing down some, he still functions like a healthy seventy-something. Drives, plays golf, lives alone with minimal help, and is still pretty mentally sharp. He never seems to change much as the years keep rolling by. If only we could all be so lucky, huh?

Gregg's brother and sister-in-law will be driving up from Jacksonville (Florida) for the party, and his niece Melissa is flying in from Washington state. His sister Karen and her son and his family live in Raleigh, so of course they'll be there already. Coincidently, Karen shares a birthday with Lou, which is part of the reason her daughter and brother are traveling so far to be there. Lou has his own big family from his first marriage (he was a widower in his 60s when he married my mother-in-law): grown children and grandchildren and in-laws and old family friends.  

Unfortunately, Gregg and I decided to send our regrets and not go. The biggest reason is that Gregg will be starting some major dental work a few days prior to the party, and he's likely not going to feel up to it. It's a three-hour drive away, no fun even without a sore mouth, and large social gatherings really aren't his favorite thing to begin with. He's also going to be somewhat self-conscious about his smile until the dental work is complete. I'm sure Lou will understand.

We will get to see Karen and Melissa, though! When Melissa heard that her favorite uncle wasn't going to make it up to Raleigh, she made a plan with her mom to drive down to see us for a few hours the day before she flies home. I can tell Gregg's really pleased about it. And there's a pretty good chance that at some point next weekend his brother Gary will stop by on his way up or down I-95 (Florence sits right alongside I-95 and there are two exits within a mile or so of our house). It will be good to see any or all of them!

This morning I mailed birthday cards to Lou and Karen, since they share the same day: August 4th. I hope they make it in time. 

Disappointed

My dad's sister, my aunt Linda, was supposed to come to Florence tomorrow to spend the day with me. We've been planning it for a month, and I was pretty excited. We were going to have lunch and then go out exploring the city (she used to live here, but it's been about 20 years since she moved away and there's been a ton of growth). 

I was really touched that she wanted to drive two hours just to see and spend time with me. After my dad died my relationship with my mom broke down to the point that we're now estranged, and it's been hard effectively losing both my parents. Lately I feel sad about it a lot. It's nice having one blood relative left who seems to care about me. I was looking forward to showing Aunt Linda my house and garden and letting her meet Marco, George, and Poppy, and then spending the afternoon doing fun stuff together. I requested a personal day off weeks ago for it.

Then I woke up with a scratchy throat and a tickle in my chest on Sunday morning.

So, you guessed it...I'm sick. I felt so awful yesterday afternoon that I stopped on the way home from work and got a Covid and Flu at-home test. Both were negative. I'm guessing it's just a bad cold, but it's really knocked me for a loop. I really hated and hesitated to admit I didn't feel up to the visit, but last night I finally let her know. My aunt was super kind about it. She assured me we'd reschedule soon and told me to focus on feeling better. She also said that she's flying to Virginia this weekend to visit her son and his family and it might be wise to postpone and not risk getting sick herself right before her trip. Tonight she texted me just to check on how I was feeling, which was really nice. We agreed we'll try again in a few weeks. 

I'm still taking my day off tomorrow since I've been feeling so bad, and I need to use up some personal days anyway. I'm not looking forward to it except as a chance to get some extra rest. Then this weekend is Mother's Day and the thought of that makes me feel even more low. My mom made it plain to me last year that my cousin and her kids are her family now (she calls the children her grandchildren) and that she doesn't need or want me in her life. Which was honestly just a relief at first, but as time goes along it's come to feel more like grief. 

Half century

I have a big birthday coming up on Sunday...one of those years that end in an "0". It seems too crazy to possibly be true, but I'll be 50 years old! 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset about it, I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I've barely adjusted to thinking of myself as a forty-something and all of a sudden, I'm about to leave my 40s behind. Crazy, crazy, crazy. I'm sure it's like this for everyone, but whew!

I'd originally thought I'd have a big get-together to celebrate such a milestone, but it hasn't worked out. When I talked to Gregg about it, he asked if I'd mind keeping the party small because he's not feeling up to having a lot of people over and having to help host. He's got an oncology appointment looming next Monday where he'll get the results of a CT scan he had last week. This will determine how successful the radiation has been and whether he'll need further treatment or not. With this hanging over his head, he doesn't feel like any major entertaining, and truthfully, I don't either. 

So instead, I'm having a small party on the back porch Saturday night with just two or three close friends. Marla and Martina, of course, and a new friend I've made at work, Meisha. Later in the evening I might text a couple of friendly neighbors and invite them to walk over and have a drink or a piece of cake. I plan to have some good food, good desserts, and a few different drink choices (alcoholic and non). I bought some pretty string lights for the porch, too. It should be fun, and not too stressful to pull off like a big party would be. 

 

I do feel kind of sad that Gregg is the only family I'll have celebrating my birthday with me. My dad died just over a year ago, and I haven't been in contact with my mom since last summer. * I don't have siblings, although I love Gregg's. In fact, I invited his sister to come down on Saturday to spend the night and attend the party. I would love to have her (so would Gregg), but she thanked me for asking and then changed the subject. It kind of hurt my feelings, to be honest. Not because she's not coming, but because she didn't even seem to really consider it. 

Of course, Marla and Martina are like sisters to me, and I have an abundance of friends. I have a really good marriage. I'm grateful for every bit of it, and I don't have any right to complain. I try not to. I don't always succeed.

These are just things I'm thinking about as I prepare to turn fifty.

* It's better that we're not in contact. It's been really hard coming to terms with that, but it's true. It's sad and hard and I wish things were different, but I've started to prioritize my own needs and my own well-being. It's past time that I did.

Quick trip and baby shower

This past weekend was fun. Going out of town (even for a day or two) makes a nice change. The hotel I booked in Raleigh was a bit pricey, but since we only stayed one night it wasn't too bad. We drove up early Friday afternoon, and after checking in and putting our bags down in the room we went out to explore. The hotel sat in the middle of a few blocks of restaurants and businesses in North Hills. It's very walker friendly and safe, everything we needed was easily reachable on foot. It was only about 4pm, and since we weren't planning to have dinner until around 8:00 (when my sister-in-law got off work) we decided to stop for appetizers and drinks at a Chuy's.

I love the bright, funky decor! We ordered margaritas, along with chips, guacamole, and cheese dip. The waitress asked if we wanted a floater shot on top of our drinks (it was happy hour and floaters were $1) so we thought, "Why not?". It's not like we had to drive back to the hotel! Sipping margaritas topped with extra shots of tequila is how we ended up slightly tipsy in the afternoon, walking around downtown Raleigh. Haha.

Later, when Karen got off from her hospital shift, she met us at another restaurant that was an easy walk from our hotel, Cowfish Sushi and Burger Bar. They have an amazing saltwater aquarium, which I filmed for about 30 seconds to show you! We really enjoyed the buzzing atmosphere, and the food was good, too. 

The next morning, after a breakfast of Eggs Benedict at Another Broken Egg Cafe, we checked out of the hotel and drove 30 minutes north to attend the baby shower. Here's the finished Diaper Castle we built for our gift, which everyone seemed to love!

Sister-in-law Karen with her son (and father-to-be) Tyler. I still can't believe he's going to be a dad. He was just a little kid five minutes ago! :)

 

Tyler and Jessica. One person who attended bought them matching "Mom" and "Dad" 2024 mugs. They're getting really excited about the arrival of their baby boy. Little Joseph is due in May.

Late Saturday afternoon, Marla and I drove home. It would have been nice to stay an extra day or two, but she needed to get home ahead of Easter morning. (The Easter Bunny had a basket to leave for her little girl).

It was a quick trip, but a fun one! I'm glad I got to spend some time with the family. Gregg and I will probably visit early in the summer so we can meet the new baby.

Fun day planned (updated)

Have I mentioned that our nephew Tyler and his wife Jessica are having a baby? They're the ones who got married last summer. They're expecting a little boy at the end of May! The whole family is pretty excited.

Two weeks from now I'm headed up to Raleigh to attend the baby shower. Since Marla is a longtime friend of the family, she's going with me. We're heading up the afternoon before and staying the night. (The hotel I've booked for us has a really cool rooftop lounge overlooking the city, so we're looking forward to checking that out!)

Anyway, I decided to get creative for a shower gift. I wanted something fun but also practical, so after much perusing of Pinterest I decided to buy them a huge box of diapers and to build a castle out of them! Here are the two main photos that inspired me:

Marla and I went shopping last night for ribbon, cardstock, and notions to use for the castle, and she's coming over today to help me build it. We're going to drink wine and make an afternoon of it! :) I bought the sweetest little (infant safe) stuffed dragon to go on top. It's baby blue and silver, and it's going to look really cute perched on top of the castle! 

Of course, I'll post pictures later on and show you how it turns out. 

So we're not quite done, but we're going to add some finishing touches next weekend. And this picture was a quick one before we disassembled the various parts for storage, and some of the turrets aren't straight, etc. But here's what we have so far!

Ups and downs

It's hard to believe that Christmas Eve was only a month ago. So much stuff has happened that it feels like a much longer amount of time has passed. It was the week before Christmas when I found out my dad was going into hospice, and a couple of days after that before I found out he was "actively dying" and had less than a week left to live. 

Then, of course, he died on New Year's Day.

Immediately after his death I started having issues with my mom, and that's been almost equally as stressful as losing him. Last week I had a long overdue talk with my aunt (dad's sister) about some of the family issues that have been going on both before and since dad died. 

During that phone call with my aunt, she said she was going the next day to close out my dad's trust/inheritance account and would be sending me a check for what was left in it the next day. The check arrived two days later, and to my amazement it was exactly enough to pay off the mortgage on my house. I couldn't believe it. I still barely believe it. It's been terribly exciting.

Yesterday I went to a local branch of the bank that holds the mortgage loan and got a payoff quote for the house. I also went and deposited the inheritance check in the bank. After the seven-business day hold my bank places on large deposits, I'll be sending a wire transfer to pay off my mortgage. On February 1st we'll own our home free and clear. 

Six weeks ago, I didn't have a clue any of this was coming. It's strange and sad and exciting and bewildering all at once.

A bad start to the holiday

Yesterday got off to a such a good start. It was the last day of school before Thanksgiving break and everyone showed up to work cheerful and excited. I was looking forward to getting through the day and the beginning of five days off. Even the "mean girls" were pleasant and friendly for a change. All seemed well with the world.

About 10:30 the direct line at my desk started ringing. I looked down and saw my dad's name on the caller ID, and immediately knew something was wrong. My parents never call me at work. I answered the phone with a great deal of trepidation, knowing that whatever they were calling for couldn't be good. 

It was my mom. "Jennifer, you've got to come home. Can you come home?" I asked her several times what had happened. All she would say is that my dad had been taken off in an ambulance and to please "come home" right now. She soundly oddly calm and but wouldn't give me any details.

I was sure my dad was dead. 

The secretary saw my face when I went looking for the principal to tell him I had to leave. She said, "Mrs. Barlow, what's happened?" "I think my dad may have just died" I replied. By then I was having a hard time breathing and was walking in circles, feeling confused and just in shock. I'll give the office ladies credit here. Even the two who have been so rude and unkind lately were immediately there, offering to drive me home or to call my husband to come get me, asking what they could do, telling me they would be praying for my family. The principal and one of the assistant principals reached out to offer support last night, too.

My mom called my cell when I was on the way to her house, and that's when I found out that dad (probably) wasn't dead, but had been close to it when the ambulance took him away. He had collapsed and was unconscious (he has congestive heart failure and several other serious health problems) after several days of being much sicker than usual. Then she explained that she couldn't go up to the hospital to check on him because she was sick too. Sick with a "chest cold", diarrhea, and a fever. (You can probably guess where this is going).

When I got to the hospital dad was still in the emergency room receiving stabilizing treatment. He really was on the verge of death when the ambulance picked him up. His blood pressure was bottoming out, his oxygen levels were dropping, and they suspected sepsis. He was slowly coming around when I got there, so I got to talk to him and tell him I loved him. I stayed for a couple of hours and then went home (after leaving my number with the ER nurse supervisor and getting her promise that they'd call if anything changed). They finally got him admitted to the hospital around 6pm last night.

When I first went in to see dad yesterday I was wearing a regular paper mask, but the first time he started coughing I went to the nurse's station and asked for an N-95. That turned out to be a good decision. This morning my mom called to let me know that he tested positive for Covid despite the fact that he got vaccinated back in March. When you consider that he's in end-stage congestive heart failure to begin with, this might be deadly. My mom is at home and almost certainly has Covid, too. She's diabetic so that's not good, and her cough sounds terrible over the phone. She's going to be lucky if she doesn't end up in the hospital alongside dad. 

All I can do is wait at home to hear any news. Dad won't be allowed any visitors and mom is going to have to quarantine for the next couple of weeks. It's all very worrying.

Happy Thankgiving.

Just coping

 Hi everyone. Thank you all for all the kind and supportive comments on my last post. I can't respond to them individually at this point but please know that I've read and appreciated every single one of them.  

I fear this is turning into the My Dying Dog blog, which can't be very much fun to read. I'm sorry. Life feels like it's in this weird transitional period, a kind of shitty and depressing limbo between our old life with Ginger and what comes after. In a little over a week I'll return to work full time after 5 months of being at home. Establishing new routines and getting back on a schedule will have to help. 

That said, I'm glad I have another week at home with George. He's going to be alone during the day for the first time since we adopted him, and another week with me will hopefully help him adjust a bit more beforehand. He's having a really hard time with Ginger's passing. He's confused, anxious, and sticking to me like glue. I catch him listening hard to the slightest noises in the house, and looking around the porch and backyard sometimes. It's pretty obvious he's listening and looking for Ginger, and doesn't understand what's happened. He looks at me sometimes with these big, sad, questioning eyes and it's heartbreaking. We're trying to be cheerful and matter of fact with him to help curb some of the anxiety. We're taking him for extra walks to burn off some of that tension, too. I don't know what else to do but to give him time. 

You know what doesn't help George (or us, for that matter)? Marco calling several times a day, "GINGEEEERR! GINGER!"  Every time he hears us call for George, he has to follow up and call for Ginger, too. It's really sad. (Be aware of these things if you ever get the crazy idea that owning a parrot would be nothing but fun). It makes us sad to hear him call out to her, and it's pretty obvious he's wondering what happened to her and where she went. Maybe he's missing her, too. We had her already when he came to live with us all those years ago.

I've discovered that grief is exhausting. Gregg, George, and I have all been feeling tired and listless. In an effort to take care of us all, I did some cooking yesterday afternoon. I made spaghetti sauce from scratch and let it simmer for hours, filling up the house with a delicious smell. When I looked in on the boys after finishing some stuff in the kitchen, this is what I saw.

Poor guys were both worn out. Gregg never naps, so this was a surprise. I stayed as quiet as I could and let them sleep for the next hour or so.  Later we had big bowls of delicious spaghetti, the best (and biggest) meal we had eaten in many days. We both felt a little better for it. I made a lot of sauce, so the extra is slowly heating back up in the crockpot for tonight's meal. It smells even better today.

So that's it. We're hanging in there and coping with this transition for our little family as best we can. Thanks again for all the support. It really means a lot.

A lovely day

Our niece's wedding on Saturday was simply beautiful. I've only ever attended a handful of weddings in my life, and I never considered myself the kind of person who would get emotional at them, but I surprised myself and my husband by brimming with tears over and over again. The first time was when we arrived at the venue, and I went into the dressing rooms with my sister in law to speak to the bride a few minutes before the ceremony. She looked so beautiful that the tears started right then and there:

This picture wasn't quite as in focus as I would have liked, but it's one of the few

 I got before the ceremony. Isn't that a gorgeous wedding dress? 

Examining Roxie's gift.

The couple had insisted that their little dog, Roxie, was going to be a part of the wedding. They had a tiny little veil that attached to her collar and a box that she was to carry in her mouth that contained the wedding rings. She sat in the front row with the bride's family, with the mother of the bride holding her leash. We had heard about this plan last week, and the manager and staff of the pet store where uncle Gregg works were delighted when he told them about it....and so they assembled a huge bag of expensive treats and toys for the "bridesmutt"! I made up a pretty gift basket....for the dog....complete with a tiny pink toy tiara I found at the dollar store. (The bride and groom had requested "no gifts" for themselves, but I knew that they'd be thrilled that we had a present for Roxie!) After I snapped that photo of Melissa looking at the basket, she gave Roxie one of the toys, and Roxie ran over to an upholstered settee, jumped up on it with her prize, and proceeded to shake and chew it. It made the bride and the girls in the wedding party laugh. 

Roxie at the reception with the father of the bride.

I didn't take any pictures during the actual ceremony, of course. It was held outdoors by a small pond in front of a simple woven wood arch decorated with small bundles of pretty wildflowers. 

There were humorous moments, like when the nervous groom was asked, "Will you take Melissa to be your wife..." and he jumped the gun and said "I will!" before the officiant paused, smiled, and then continued "..........to love and to cherish her...." and all of the assembled guests laughed. Jay blushed adorably and laughed, too. It was so sweet. At least twice during the short ceremony I was helpless to stop the tears, and Gregg was surprised. He hadn't thought to bring a hankie, but when he noticed the tears rolling he smiled at me and gently squeezed my hand. I had to laugh at myself a little. When did I become such a softie?!

The bride and groom. 

I thought Melissa's hair looked lovely. I love the flowers tucked in at the back. This photo also shows off the back of her gown. 

I can't believe that the tiny 3 year old girl with big eyes that I met when I first started seeing her uncle 20 years ago has grown up into a beautiful woman (beautiful on the inside as well as the outside) and is now a married woman. Where has the time gone? I hope that they will be happy, and that their marriage will be a long and a good one. It's clear to see that Jay is utterly besotted with and devoted to Melissa, and she's lit with happiness when she looks at him. May it always be so!        

       

            

Wedding season

We've been invited to three weddings so far this year, more than in all the years we've been a couple combined. Two are on the same date, June 22. The first (and the one we're attending) is our lovely niece Melissa's. The other is the music teacher at the school where I work, a young guy I get along well with and so he surprised me with a "save the date" card followed by an actual invitation. That was really nice of him because I don't have the impression he invited very many of our coworkers. Of course I had to decline since he picked the same day as Melissa, but he understood. 

I had to talk Gregg into going to the wedding. He's really introverted and hates big social events to begin with, and then it's going to cost us a nice chunk of money to attend. The venue is a 6 hour drive away, in the mountains of North Carolina, and requires taking two days off work for him. Then there's the cost of the hotel room we booked, and since it's a university town and the height of wedding and graduation season the prices are double what they should be. I have to buy a new dress and shoes (not that I mind that!) and we'll have to get a suit of Gregg's dry cleaned. Thank goodness Martina and/or Marla will be looking after the dogs and Marco while we're gone and we won't have to pay for boarding, but everything else is costly! But, all that being said, it means a lot to Gregg's sister, and her daughter is our favorite niece. We couldn't bear to miss the wedding and let the family down. 

I can't believe that the serious, bookish, introverted little girl I first met almost 20 years ago is going to be married! It makes me a little tearful when I think of it.

One of the bridal portrait photos...her mother sent me this earlier today.