Family ties

There's a small herd of deer that live in our neighborhood. Since we're close to a creek and a city-maintained system of hiking/nature trails, there's no shortage of wildlife to see, but the deer are the most familiar. They come out most nights as the sun is setting, and since we usually walk the dogs around that time, we see them pretty regularly. Usually they'll freeze if we walk past them and as long as we're not too close, they won't run. Even the dogs have learned to be very quiet so as not to scare them. 

Last year a female deer kept showing up in our front yard with two little fawns. It was the cutest thing, but I never managed to get a photo. This year, another female (or maybe the same one) has been coming around, but this time she has just one baby, and a young male is often with them.

The other night, I happened to look out the spare bedroom window at dusk and the little family was back! I grabbed my phone and took a picture, and although it's not very clear (taken on a zoomed-in phone camera, through a window and screen, at dusk...) I really, really like the shot:

Doesn't it look like mom and dad are kissing, with the baby between them? 

I sent that photo to my niece, Melissa. I knew she would love it. In return she texted me photos of an "owl family" who live near her home on Whidbey Island. 

We miss Melissa. She flew to the East Coast for a visit last fall and drove down from Raleigh to spend a day with us. We love her and it's so rare to actually get to see her in person these days, that I nearly cried when she had to leave after a few short hours. I'm grateful, though, that she makes time to see me and her "cool uncle Gregg" (her words) whenever she's on this side of the continent. We have so few family members left these days, and the ones we love best are spread out all over the country.

So, speaking of family...yesterday was one week since my mother and I had what's probably our final falling out. 

Her abusive behaviors towards me have escalated dramatically over the past couple of years. I finally (as kindly and gently as possible, I swear) told her exactly what behaviors of hers were hurting me and how, and how she needed to think seriously about getting some help for her mental health. I also said that until and unless she did that, that I couldn't continue having contact with her.

Well, that did it! She blew up. Raged at me and accused me of being the one with problems, not her. Told me I was a terrible daughter who mistreats her (!) as well as a liar. She even told me my dad was disappointed in me and "hurt" at how I "treated him" before he died. That was deliberately calculated to be cruel. That's how she acts when she's mad.

The last thing she said was that she'd changed her will, and that the new one was "no good to you now". (She added, bizarrely, that she "has a new power of attorney" so that I would never "have any power over me, in life or in death"). She concluded it all by telling me she would never bother me again, and that she's "done" with me.

Okay.

I don't quite know how I feel about it. Mostly relief, I think. Maintaining very low contact with her while trying to navigate her moods, her demands, her behavior veering wildly between utter hatefulness and "love bombing" was exhausting. Maintaining boundaries with her is exhausting. Every interaction with her results in nothing but stress and anxiety for me. It's become unsustainable.

So, I'm done. I've had some twinges of sadness and hurt over the thought that our relationship is over, especially since I just lost my dad a year and a half ago, but I think in the long run this is going to be the very best thing I can do for myself.